So You’re Single – Get Over It
Single people are a fast-growing demographic and despite the opportunities that being single offers, many are still embarrassed about their single status.
Image credit: creatista / 123RF Stock Photo
In September 2008, when we launched Singular magazine and our online community SingularCity, the mission was to celebrate singlehood as a viable lifestyle and to provide our readers with resources to improve and enhance their lives. Singular magazine is the voice for singulars — savvy, sophisticated, independent — and SingularCity is the online community where they meet, share interests and make friends.
I believed then, as I believe now, that when you’re unmarried, you have opportunities for personal growth and development that are not always possible when you’re in a partnered relationship. In fact, singulars (our term for modern single people) are free to have adventures and experiences of their own choosing. We lead rich, full lives and are active members of our communities. And although many of us enjoy dating, finding a life partner is not the sole reason for our existence. We are already complete.
We received a lot of great feedback from people — single and not — for recognizing this contemporary, realistic view of singlehood and we received hundreds of letters thanking us for taking a stand against the negative stereotypes that make single people feel like they need to be fixed — a concept fueled by much of the traditional singles industry.
What surprises me still, however, is the number of singles who remain in despair about being unmarried and refuse to accept their single status. They’ve become their own worst enemy in that regard. How can they be open to all the great possibilities life has to offer when they hold a part of their identity with contempt, regret or sadness?
Sure, years ago a single person was the odd man out, but now we’re nearly half of the adult population. Even if couples still reign supreme as the ideal paradigm in our society, our growing numbers and the clear evidence that we are not stereotypical spinsters or eccentric bachelors have changed the balance of power.
Yet the most severe condemnation comes from within our own ranks — from those singles who are still ashamed because they are not married or are not in a long-term committed relationship. They’ve bought into the propaganda left over from the 1950s. For them, the “S” word should only be discussed with their best friend, their mother or their therapist.
They have no problem going to a social event, but add to the description that it’s a party for singles and it becomes something to avoid at all costs. It recalls the famous quote from Groucho Marx: “I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member.”
Now why some of us hang on to these self-defeating, antiquated ideas of what it means to be single is truly beyond me. All it takes is a simple shift of attitude and we can change the way we experience our singular lives.
It really is that easy.
Copyright © Kim Calvert/2012 Singular Communications, LLC.
Powered by Facebook Comments