A romantic relationship with a man can be difficult to achieve when you have sex – and that includes what Clinton did with Lewinski – on the first date.

I had lunch with a girlfriend a couple of months ago. Tammy (not her real name) is 25, smart, pretty, vivacious and in love with life. There’s just one thing that continues to baffle her: dating and relationships with men.

You see, Tammy is happily single and while she’s in no hurry to get married, she does want to have a monogamous LTR (long term relationship) with a man — but it’s just not happening. She said the men she dates are interested in her for a week or two before things sour, or they simply drop-off the radar.

Now I’m no dating coach, but I’ve been around on the planet a bit longer than Tammy so I was curious as to why this was happening to someone as likeable and attractive as Tammy – and also curious if her experience with men was typical for younger women in today’s dating world. So, I asked for more details.

She said she met men easily: at the gym, at parties, even at the grocery store. The initial spark was there for both parties, a date was made — dinner, a walk on the beach, a movie — and then I found the “smoking gun.” Tammy has sex on the first date.

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but one of my corollaries is that men lose interest fast when women appear to have little discretion about whom they sleep with. Yes, yes, yes, I know there are exceptions. People sometimes meet, have sex within hours and live the rest of their lives in romantic bliss — but it’s rarer than a blue-eyed two-headed cat!

“Auntie” Kim shared her opinion on such things with Tammy and suggested she try waiting a while before jumping into the sack with a new beau. She looked at me as if I was suggesting she go to the beach wearing Long Johns under her bikini, but agreed to give it a shot.

I saw her again this week and was anxious to hear how her “jet cooling” experiment had transpired.

“Oh nothing really changed,” she said. “I mean, I stopped having sex with them, but after a couple of dates they stop calling me, or they change and start acting like jerks.”

“So you stopped having sex — until you have a chance to get to know them and they have a chance to get to know you? And they still lose interest? ”

“Yep.”

“And how did the dates go?

“Oh, we have a great time. I really can’t understand what’s up. I guess guys are just flakey.”

I’m looking at this beautiful, charming woman, completely baffled. Could it be true? Are men in her generation really so shallow and unable to connect?

Wanting to make sure I didn’t jump to any false conclusions, I asked again, “So really, you had a great date and at the end of it, no fooling around at all?”

“Well yes,” she said, “I mean, we made out and I gave them a BJ, but we didn’t have sex.”

“What?”

Now I don’t know when oral sex became something other than “having sex” Or when a kiss on a first date happened below the waist. Maybe what transpired with Monica Lewinski during the Clinton Administration has redefined what Tammy’s generation calls, “having sex.” Seriously, is this a generational thing or just a case of “good girl gone dumb?”

On the other hand, have things really changed? Has sex become as casual as a handshake? After all, as former President Bill Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” And we all know what not having sex involved in that situation.

Kim Calvert
Editorial Director
Singular magazine + singularcity.com

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