What Women Know about Men

Single women learn a lot about men during our search for “the one” but after all we’ve read, said and done, have we been searching in all the wrong places?

What Women Know about Men

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We single women think we know a lot about men. We talk about them a lot, we’ve heard a lot about them from our mothers, our big sisters, our girlfriends and from books like “Why Men Love Bitches” and “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

After all of our vast research — and that includes our share of relationships with them (where we really learned a lot about men) — we enrolled in “finding love” seminars, bought more books and read even more articles in women’s magazines. And still, we kept searching, searching, searching for “the one” — our one.

By the time we were in our 30s, we knew, or thought we knew, everything about men — that they were only interested in sex, they were cheaters, liars, selfish and egotistical jerks, sloppy and helpless babies, especially when sick. Nevertheless, we were certain we still wanted one — “the one” — and continued to spend a lot of time looking for him at happy hours, online dating services, singles mixers and sports events, believing that if we just looked long and hard enough, “the one” would appear, different from all the others, and we would finally be happy and complete.

Now guys, before you get too smug, it’s not just women who do this. You do it too. You think you know a lot about women — that they’re bitchy, bossy, gold diggers, gossipy, stuck up, spoiled, nit-picky and demanding. And despite what you think you know about women, you want one too and fall into a similar mindset that there’s someone out there, outside of yourself, who will one day be your other half.

The one we all seek, “the one,” is beautiful inside and out, dependable, responsible, confident, worldly, wise, sensitive, warm, affectionate, trustworthy, faithful, supportive, dedicated and passionate about something in their life. But try as we may, we continue to have the same experience, over and over, and the hungry search goes on.

When he or she doesn’t materialize, we blame our city, our jobs, the season, the era, whatever. But we never stop to consider that instead of focusing on finding “the one,” our energy would be better spent on becoming “the one” ourselves. Rather than feeling incomplete and trying to fill the hole that gnaws inside us, what if we focused instead on developing the qualities we seek so urgently outside of ourselves?

If we focused on becoming “the one” and found self-acceptance, freedom and empowerment within ourselves, if we learned to be content and fulfilled regardless of whether or not we happened to have a romantic partner in our lives, if we attracted the energy we projected, maybe we’d find that our relationship status no longer has such a powerful influence on our identity — and that being singular was simply an attitude of self-acceptance and the willingness to see ourselves complete as a party of one.

Copyright © Kim Calvert / 2013 Singular Communications, LLC.

Kim CalvertKim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. An outspoken champion of people who are living their lives as a “me” instead of a “we,” Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community. She secures contributors and is responsible for maintaining the fun, upbeat, inspirational and often-humorous tone of Singular, a lifestyle guide for successful single living.


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10 thoughts on “What Women Know about Men

  1. Terrific discussion with Donna Sam! I’m hearing that if you work on your self to be a complete “party of one” you actually become better suite for a potential partnership

  2. I’ve always heard that “the one” will come into your life when you stop looking for them, but until this article, never heard the important missing part:

    Stop looking for “the one” AND get on with living your life to the fullest and focus on becoming the best you.

    Thanks KIM!

  3. resonate as you and magic will happen stop looking and trying to figure it all out.
    Simply be and live love and enjoy, and all will happen as it is meant to be
    blessings
    Rande

  4. Instead of putting all of the comments online, why don’t we start such a discussion in real time at one or more of the events. How about the Mexican food event coming up. How about hearing the comments live from the girls and guys as they enjoy Mexican beer that can bring out a discussion. I believe that would be great.

  5. So is that why people always say you’ll find your soul mate if you stop looking for him/her (and channel your energy into something more constructive?) Seems like if you take that path, even if you don’t find “the one” you’ll at least end up having had a more fulfilling life than if you’d spent all your time trying to “get one.”

  6. …then most likely, when we have become “the one” ourselves, I imagine we would cross paths with someone who is equally evolved, who appreciates our lack of neediness, self sufficiency and strength. “Like begets like”.

  7. I agree that we have to be that person that we search for and not expect someone to fix us. But once we have that all sorted out, it would be nice to find a companion to share all that wonder fullness with!!!

  8. Got a good laugh from this one as it is true that we complain about the opposite sex, on one hand, and then go through all kinds of crazy antics to “get one.” All that time would be better spent working on ourselves – travel, career, philanthropy, finding our passions – than setting the trap to catch him or her.

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