The Trouble with Online Dating


I’ve never done it and maybe never will. Why is it that some people find online dating more intriguing than meeting someone in real life?

Online Dating

konstantynov / 123RF Photo

I don’t get it. I mean I understand it, and I know how it works, but I can’t seem to get my head around its popularity, especially with women. Personally, I prefer to meet my women the old fashioned way … intoxicated … and in a bar. Or at least I did, until I stopped dating a few years ago, but that’s another story all together. Besides, different strokes…

While I’ve personally shut down the dating thing for the time being, I do have some issues with the online match matching approach. In general, it goes against nearly every principle I value: honesty, integrity and candor. Plus, I don’t wish to read what you have to say … I want to hear it out of your mouth and be able to look into your eyes at the same time. That’s a real connection. That’s why I prefer to meet you in person, be it a bar, or otherwise. These electronic connectors are often fake, or just as worse, contrived.

Yes, plenty of meaningful relationships and solid hook-ups result from a simple peek and a poke, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.

For one, the Internet promotes laziness. Do you really want to date someone who claims they don’t have time to meet you in person?  How can someone who makes a value judgment about you and your worthiness on the basis of your dating site profile be that invested in a making a connection?

And how about games and lies? Most men have a simple plan when it comes to dating sites: never be too honest. Tell women what they want to hear and what will work. It’s no different than what most of us tend to do in person; yet for some inexplicable reason, women give more credence to an anonymous person hiding behind a keyboard than they do to a man they meet in person.

I know plenty of guys who send the same generic message to multiple women. Each woman thinks they’re received a personal message crafted just for them. I’ve even seen guys blaze through their phones tapping the faces of the profiles they like, without even bothering to read anything about the person.

What about the argument that online dating cuts to the chase and weeds out the bad ones? This may be true, but the process of weeding through the clutter online is no less effective than simply engaging anyone, anywhere, anytime in real life … and in person.

I know why men like the online dating game. They tell me it’s because they find women “easier” that way. And by “easier” I don’t mean easier to find one they want to date. I mean easier to get naked with said cyber girl.

Like it or not ladies, s-e-x is the main reason why the online scene has taken off with men. Just remember, Facebook was initially started by a guy who wanted to meet girls — and not just meet, but for sex. Facebook made meeting people online legit. Every pop-up love site and cupid google since is a direct result of the launch and success of Facebook.

What I don’t understand is why women hold online dating with such high regard. Talk about the “creep” factor. Women have actually told me they feel “safer” meeting a total stranger through their computer than they do, say, at the grocery store, in person. What?! How is that even possible? For a gender so concerned with stalking, predators and creeps, how can you place so much dependence on and legitimacy to text, type and photos?

As with most things with regard to the female variety, I have a theory.

One … while women say they want to be approached, the reality is they don’t like it. They want to like it; but, either, it’s too stressful for them, or they can’t handle rejecting a guy in person, or they just don’t want to be bothered. Whereas, behind a computer or phone screen, women remain in control of who they talk to, when they talk to you and how they talk to you. For women, the appeal of online dating is all about the control.

Another possible explanation for women’s attraction to the technology tramp is the mystery factor. Meeting someone in cyberspace is mysterious, a bit dangerous … and in many of our minds, a little romantic. It sounds exciting, right?  Many women bore easy. So naturally, the prospect of something different and unorthodox looks very appealing.

Next time you text, tweet or tinder someone, just know it’s the same old game being played out by the same participants — only the playing surface has changed.

Copyright © Michael Monterey / 2014 Singular Communications, LLC.

Michael Monterey writes a blog called “The Naked Truth for Women” an unfiltered bold insightful look at how heterosexual men really think about love, sex and women.
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