What Does Being Single Say About You?


No matter what you say or how clearly you try to say it, some people only hear what they want to hear, especially when it comes to the topic of being single.

On the Topic of Being Single

creatista / 123RF Photo

I’m in the business of communication, so I try to do it effectively. But apparently I’m not doing it very well. Or maybe it’s just that some people — not all people — only hear what they want to hear and don’t grasp what I’m actually saying.

An example in point is the article I wrote about “The Great Love Debate.” I received lots of emails from people asking, “But are you really happy to be single?” They expressed doubt I could really believe that being single was something anyone could embrace in a positive way or consider as an opportunity for growth, or even crazier, actually enjoy.

Let me try, one more time, to be clear — just for the record.

I am an advocate of the apparently revolutionary concept that your relationship status should not define your character. I believe that having a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn’t be used by other people to decide who you are before they’ve even met you. Your relationship status is just that: a box you check on your income tax return, or more broadly defined, an indicator that you might be open to exploring romantic relationship opportunities.

All the goofy negative stereotypes that are attached to people who are single, and even more so when they’re not “in a relationship,” are self-defeating for individuals and self-defeating to our society. It’s bogus B.S. that only exists in the perceptions that we, as a culture, have gleaned from movies, TV shows, self-help books, advertisements and our mother’s generation — perceptions that many of us don’t pause to question as valid. In fact, we can be so convinced these negative stereotypes are true that we pattern ourselves to be exactly so: unhappy, desperate, needy, odd, “set in our ways” and certain that “being single” is a problem.

How many Hollywood movies have we seen where the dorky or obnoxious single person finally turns into a likeable human being once they get coupled? It’s supposed to be a comedy, but how funny is propaganda that tries to convince us that there’s something wrong with a huge segment of the population? Get coupled/married, the movie suggests, and your dorkiness, sadness or promiscuous behavior will be resolved and you’ll live happily ever after — finally “normal.” The same message is repeated, ad infinitum, and too many of us are buying it as fact, not fiction.

I have nothing against romantic love. In fact, I enjoy romantic relationships. I have nothing against marriage. I’ve been married and I have no issue at all with getting married again. But what I do have a problem with is discrimination against people who are single. I’m appalled by the ridiculous stereotypes our society inflicts on people who are not “in a relationship,” and I particularly want single people themselves to realize they have a choice as to whether or not they are going to buy in to the negative singles baloney.

Bottom line: Your relationship status does not define who you are as a human being. You do — own it.

Copyright © Kim Calvert/2014 Singular Communications, LLC.

Kim CalvertKim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. An outspoken champion of people who are living their lives as a “me” instead of a “we,” Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community. She secures contributors and is responsible for maintaining the fun, upbeat, inspirational and often-humorous tone of Singular, a lifestyle guide for successful single living.

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3 thoughts on “What Does Being Single Say About You?

  1. Kim – I totally agree with you. A person should not be treated differently due to their social status. Unfortunately, as a single person, I find this is the case with people in my family and other social settings. It’s great to have a website like yours where you can find people and articles you can relate to. Thanks!

  2. Well said Kim. I find most of society is terrified to stand up and be different. I never want to be someone’s “girlfriend” or “wife” as I am not a piece of furniture to be owned. I also have never understood the concept of marriage and giving someone legal access to your entire life. My first date conversation always includes this speech “we are never getting married, you are not moving in, I don’t cook or clean, I am not your mother and you can’t see me every weekend!” They usually love this challenge until about 3 weeks in and they realise I’m totally happy being alone and having very good friends whom I see when I want to. We single gals have more sense than being tied to domestic servitude!

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