No matter how you respond, there’s a good chance it’ll get you into some kind of trouble with the women in your life.
I’ve noticed that women have this tendency to ask men some odd and irrelevant questions that frankly, we don’t have an answer for. Even if we try to respond, chances are good that you don’t really want to hear what we have to say. Still, the questions come, consistently and constantly. We men try to keep up and tell you want you want to hear, but there’s only so much a guy can take. If we ignore you, we risk being labeled as uncaring or unable to “listen.” If we answer, there’s a good chance we’ll end up in the doghouse.
If you doubt what I say is true, take a look at this:
The minor details
For example …
- Hair up or hair down?
- Which color nail polish?
- Do I have to shave?
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been asked one of these questions, I’d probably have about a dollar, which is 85 cents too many. We’re not one of your girlfriends; these questions don’t pertain to us. Just because we’re dating it doesn’t make us sorority sisters.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ll answer your question, but it’s just so you’ll stop asking. Remember how your parents used to ask: “What’d you learn at school today?” Just as we did with mom, we’ll try to conjure up an answer that will temporarily satisfy you.
The treacherous waters
For example …
- Who do you think is the prettiest of my friends?
- If there was one thing you could change about me, what would it be?
- Do my cheeks look chubby?
Allow me to refer to the great Allman Brothers Band lyric, “Lord, I was born a ramblin’ man” or that horrible nickname from the Sixth Sense Stutterin’ Stanley.
All men know that the answers to these questions may have serious, prolonged consequences and we’d rather not put ourselves into that situation. Unless you want to see your man looking like a mumbling, bumbling fool, refrain from asking these kinds of questions. We like you in spite of your chipmunk-like cheeks or your gorgeous friends. Please check your insecurities at the door.
The dreaded outfit change
For example …
- What should I wear tonight?
- Does this cardigan go with these jeans?
- Heels, boots, or heel boots?
A.) We don’t know your wardrobe.
B.) We hardly put that much thought into our own outfits.
C.) You’re just going to disagree with us anyway.
The worst part about this situation is that you gave us a time deadline to be ready by, which we lived up to, give or take 10 minutes. But now, we have to wait another half an hour while you, with your hair frantically half straightened, tear apart your bedroom searching for some outfit that may or may not even exist.
Unless you’re dating Michael Kors or Perez Hilton, please refrain from asking fashion questions. We’re just as clueless about this stuff as Kris Humphries is about his divorce from Kim.
To expect or even request that you never ask these questions may be a long shot, so maybe you could at least try to minimize them. In return, we’ll watch the latest chick flick movie with you (like The Vow) and go with you on a complaint-free shopping spree. Just no Forever 21; that place gives us guys as much anxiety as it seems to give you women — take it or leave it.