Calling all dating singulars, here’s the first in an interactive series written by fellow SingularCity members. Share your dating experience – and readers, post your feedback. We’re all experts, right?
I’m a newly single man just over the age of 60. Let me give you a few facts about myself before I begin my story.
I have a bachelor’s degree from the University of Southern California in Business Administration and a Master’s Degree in Risk Management from UCLA and the Rims Institute. I have started three large insurance brokerages in 43 years, each sold to a large corporate buyer. I own my own house, free and clear in Malibu. I also have a couple of cars, one is a limited edition German race car that can be used on the street. I also own a share in a private plane, which I use about three days a week. I am in excellent shape and work out regularly. I have been married twice, divorced once and recently widowed about 9 months ago after being married for 32 years.
Wouldn’t you think that dating would be fairly easy for me? Well truthfully, it’s not hard to get a date. But what I’ve learned, is that women aren’t so much interested in getting to know me as they are in sizing up and getting control of my assets. Don’t get me wrong, I would certainly take care of someone I loved and who loved me – but the key word is love.
Let me tell you of a couple of things that have happened to me in the last few months.
I’ll begin with the latest one first. A friend introduced me to a European woman, age 56, who owns a Pilates practice. She was good looking, intelligent and in very good shape. She told me she became a wife in an arranged marriage when she was 18. After 10 years, she ran off, divorced her husband and took up with another man in France, a relationship that lasted five years. Then on to a man she lived with for the next 12 years. She says while he wanted to marry her, she refused. He died at the end of the relationship and so she was left with no assets after two long-term relationships.
I dated her five times. On the 5th date I flew her to Santa Barbara for lunch to a restaurant on the sand and back to my house afterwards for a drink and some talk. She had never been to my home before. She liked the house and view – a lot. We sat down to talk and she told me that if she moved in with me or we got married, there had to be a financial reward for her at my death.
Funny, I hadn’t mentioned living together or getting married — and the best part was that I had yet to sleep with her. I asked her what she had in mind and she said she wanted the house.
I let her know my home was in an irrevocable trust and I didn’t own it. Well then, what was in it for her? Those were her words. I told her that she just might be a little ahead of the curve. A couple of days later I got an e-mail from her telling me she was no longer going to date me as she wasn’t getting the “vibes” that she needed. I was thrilled to escape that easily.
I will only bore you with one more story, because most of my dating experiences as a newly single guy have been the same.
I was dating a woman I liked quite a bit. One night we were at dinner and she let me know that she could never live in another woman’s home. I asked her what that meant and she said that meant my deceased wife’s home and that if we were to continue our relationship, I would have to purchase another house in Malibu.
Again, I hadn’t asked her to move in or to get married, so it was a mystery to me. What was she talking about? A couple of weeks later she suggested I get a new car to replace my 2008 Subaru which I use for skiing, going to the airport and the market. She claimed I needed something much better – something like a Mercedes or such.
Well my dating life has been various shades of these two experiences. I just want to find someone I can have fun with for a while and then, we’ll see if it develops into something serious – later. But in my limited experience, these days woman are more concerned about their “retirement plan” than having a real relationship. Of course, there are exceptions, but I’m finding them to be a rare breed.
So what would I recommend to single women out there? First, go out with someone you might like without having an agenda. Second, treat him at least as well as he treats you. Don’t take it for granted that he will pick up every check and each expense. Do a little something that will surprise him (and I’m not talking about sex). Lastly, treat each other with respect.
Sorry if I sound a bit jaded, but I hope you understand our plight as men, just trying to get along.