No, not that “C” word, I’m talking about the one we hear over and over again when we’re single: Commitment.

I was flipping through a book I like to read in the mornings — it’s a meditation guide with a “thought for the day.” On this particular day the topic was commitment — a word that has tremendous power in the context of relationships.

If you look up the word “commitment” in the dictionary it means:

1. something that takes up time or energy, especially an obligation

2. devotion or dedication to a cause, person or relationship

3. consignment to a penal or mental institution

Although I found the third definition amusing, there was nothing in the dictionary about the word “commitment” meaning the act of becoming un-single.

Strange, because how many times have we been asked by well-meaning friends and family, “When are you going to make a commitment?” as in get married. Or been asked by someone we’re dating, “Is this a committed relationship?” Or been told, “I’m not willing to do that unless you’re willing to make a commitment.”

Furthermore, if this particular definition were to be included in Merriam-Webster’s, it would note that a “commitment” is always prefaced with a serious talk (the kind many singulars dread) — a talk that always begins with, “Where is this relationship going?”

But the fact is, commitments are much more than a promise of fidelity and serious intention in a romantic relationship and just because we’re single doesn’t mean we can’t make them. Commitments are required to have the job we want, the home we want and the lifestyle we want. To have any of those things we must commit to do something rather than just try something — and we must also be willing to lose those things we are not willing to make a commitment to.

In some cases, avoiding a commitment is the result of fear, and that’s certainly what our critics call it when we’re not ready for the “c” word (“You’re commitment phobic!”).

But what it could really mean is that our own inner guidance is firing off a warning call because sometimes, no matter how good something looks on the outside, our intuition, that voice of self preservation inside us, knows that this commitment is not the right commitment for us.

In either case, there’s a message for us. Let’s be sure to listen.

Copyright © 2010 Kim Calvert/Singular Communications, LLC.