Women are taught they’re vulnerable, but there’s a fine line between healthy caution and life limiting fear.

Something happened the other night that made me aware of how women take extra security steps for their personal safety — steps that many men can’t imagine taking themselves.

It came about like this: I picked up a guy friend to go out to dinner at a new restaurant in West Hollywood. As we were driving, I asked him if I should put my car registration in my purse so the valet parking attendant wouldn’t find it in the glove compartment.

“What?” he asked.

“Well, I’ve heard they can do that. They copy down your address, make a copy of your house key (despite there being 20 keys on my key ring) and come to your house some night — unexpected and definitely unwelcome!”

His response: “You are so paranoid!”

OK — maybe that was a bit over the top. However, I do believe that women, especially single women living alone, have been conditioned to constantly run their mental “predator software” in the background, similar to Norton AntiVirus on our laptops. That personal-safety radar is always on, scanning for potential threats. It’s usually so subtle that others are unaware that we’re making silent notations: Window open — danger. Door unlocked — danger. Walking to car in deserted underground parking lot — danger.

Just the other day I was hiking in Pacific Palisades. As I walked up the deserted trail, a scruffy-looking man appeared, walking toward me with one arm behind his back. Warning! Why was his arm behind his back? What was in his hand? I finally stopped and waited for him to walk by, my heart racing. He passed, saying hello, and I saw that the reason his arm was behind his back was to hold his backpack steady. Sigh of relief.

It’s too bad, but women have grown up learning to be afraid of men. It started with our parents and schoolteachers, and is reinforced by “if it bleeds, it leads” news media and “women in peril” movies. Just look at the Lifetime channel with its lineup of programming about women trying to escape from dangerous men! Which also begs the question: why is this so entertaining?

But it’s not just anti-male paranoia. It’s a statistical fact that gender is the single best predictor of criminal behavior, with men committing far more criminal acts than women. (Crimes committed by females account for 20 percent of the total ― although the gap is narrowing.)

The media hype and the reality of this situation has created a fear-based condition that makes it difficult for women to relax and experience a positive relationship with men they haven’t learned to trust yet. We judge them guilty until proven innocent, and it’s even more so if you’re a single woman living alone. We really do need to keep the radar running and exercise caution — but there’s a fine line between prudent concern and paralyzing fear.

So guys, have patience and realize it’s just the way of the world we women live in. Be aware that we have that “software” running in our heads and take actions to show us we are safe with you. And women, just as most e-mails do not carry a virus, most men mean us no harm. Don’t let the few bad ones keep us from enjoying the wonderful masculine energy men can bring to our lives.

Copyright © Kim Calvert/2011 Singular Communications, LLC.