Too many single women complain that single guys prefer dumb women, when what they really prefer is a woman who can embrace and express her feminine energy.
I went to a party the other night with a single friend, an attractive, brilliant, successful woman who would like to have a man in her life, maybe even get married. While we were chatting, she mentioned that another friend recently told her if she wanted a boyfriend, she’d need to dumb it down — not be one of those self-sufficient, got-it-all-handled women. She’d need to do the “dumb woman thing.”
My friend thought it was pretty disheartening that men would only be interested in her if she adopted some kind of Marilyn Monroe persona. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard this concern: men go for the dumb ones while their brainier counterparts are ignored.
But I don’t think that’s the case. What’s really going on is that these days, too many single women have learned to paint feminine traits with the “dumb brush” while they paint masculine traits with the “smart brush.” We’ve been conditioned to devalue our feminine characteristics and instead embrace and emulate masculine traits. I’m not talking about their outward appearance, because many are drop-dead gorgeous, I’m talking about how we think, speak and act.
Women have decided it’s a good idea to be like men because masculine traits help them succeed at work. They’re tools for survival in a world where many of us are no longer living under the protection of a husband. It’s tough out there and being “girly” is not an effective strategy when negotiating a contract, competing for a promotion at work, supervising employees, or managing your investment portfolio. In order to survive, we’ve learned how to be no-nonsense, competitive, straight up, direct, independent, don’t mess with me or I’ll take you down — just like men.
The trouble comes when we carry that same attitude into every area of our lives, including our dating life. Guys don’t want to date women who act like men, who remind them of their guy friends. Sure, you can be one of their buddies, but when it comes to making a romantic connection, men are attracted to their opposite energy: feminine energy (not to be confused with being “sexy” either).
In fact, the more feminine you are, the more masculine they’ll be. How many times have I heard women complain, “Where are all the manly men?” — never realizing that they’ve had the solution all along and it starts with them.
So what does this feminine woman look like if it’s not about acting dumb?
- A feminine woman is not controlled by her ego.
- She’s not interested in competing with her man — even if she is better at chess, soccer or math (see No. 1).
- She doesn’t need to be right, win or have the better solution all of the time (see No. 1).
- She has no problem asking for his help and lets him know she appreciates it. (see No. 1).
- She’s interested in hearing what he has to say. She actually listens to him and allows him to have his own opinions (see No. 1).
- She can be soft on the outside because her true strength comes from within. It’s in her integrity, her sensitivity, empathy and her awareness of the world beyond herself (see No. 1).
Being a child of the feminist movement, I’ve dealt with sexual harassment and gender discrimination. I’m grateful that an employer can no longer put his hand on my knee, or higher, without risking serious legal consequence. I’m delighted that these days, there are just as many women managers as men. We’ve come a long way and it’s been a tough road and we’ve fought hard for equal rights — including the right to do what we want — with or without a husband.
But for those — and there are many — who also want to have a successful romantic relationship with a man, and wonder why it’s not happening, try taking your “man pants” off and put on a dress (both literally and figuratively). When you rediscover and embrace your feminine energy, magic will happen. That doesn’t make you dumber — that makes you smarter, way smarter (just don’t tell him that).
Copyright © Kim Calvert/2014 Singular Communications, LLC.