Singular Solutions, Volume 4

Singular Solutions, Volume 4

Syndicated advice guru Marnie Macauley confronts the biggest party night of the year, NYE, and all the brouhaha about still being single.

Singular Solutions, Volume 4

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STILL SINGLE ON NEW YEAR’S EVE

Dear Readers:  I’m ticked. Not my normal “tick” but my forced “jollity” tick. The great offender is the odious expectations of New Year’s Eve. By 16, I was scouting dates in June to determine if they were New Year’s worthy. Did he have a shelf life till the end of December?

True we’ve all heard the Pulitzer of rationalizations: “New Year’s Eve is for amateurs.” But for some singles, New Year’s Eve is one of the few annual life events that can cause even the savviest single to stumble. Too many of us, when we hear that 5-4-3-2 countdown, expect that ball to light up the word “LOSER!” Worse, it’s repeated in every time zone. Billions of people on Planet “paired” – then there’s – us.

Just look:

Marnie: I’m 32 and single. My last relationship blew up three weeks ago. New Year’s is coming and my plans? To hide under my blanket at exactly 11 pm and sleep through it!”

Marnie: Last year I was at a party where I was the odd female out. At midnight I was depressed at getting the obligatory “hug” from acquaintances. 

Why are so many lovely, normally intelligent humans putting their egos on the altar of “A Rappin’ Rockin’ New Year’s Eve”?

Because we’ve been hyped into believing “this” night, like some loony SAT score, rates our entire RIQ (Relationship IQ) and worse, foretells our future. The event itself drips stellar partnership expectations.

No. I’m NOT giving you “12 Things I Can Do, Dateless, on New Year Eve.” You know them already: curl up with a real book, download “It’s a Wonderful Life,” call good buds and the nearest pizza place that delivers, blah blah. Fact is, once we challenge our assumptions about this “holiday” with truth, the “what to do” is a snap.

Getting It! Your Personal New Year’s Eve Strategy if You’re Not Hooked Up: Replacing self-defeating assumptions (SDAs). 

*SDA ONE: There’s a party going on and my invite was lost in the mail or fell into the sewer system. I have lousy luck, and maybe I’m not loveable.

TRUTH: Sure, many couples are in “neo-lust.” (They’re the ones with the velcroed lips.) Others have won their pairing merit badges over time. As for the remaining:

1. They met in Starbucks two weeks ago and are now stuck with someone who: kvetches about his underwear or thinks Vodkavomit’s a “way cool” fashion accessory – on you.

2. They’re on a blind date. (Copy number one above.)

3. They consist of the Unsures and Marrieds-But-Not-Thrilleds.

FOR MOST, NEW YEAR’S EVE ASKS TOO MUCH AND PARTNERED OR NOT, DISAPPOINTS.

SDA TWO: “My ‘paired invite’ blew into that manhole because I’ve flunked ‘relationships,’ which of course, means I’ve flunked as a human.”

TRUTH: Over 50 percent of pairings “flunk.” You’ve chosen not to join a club with rotten odds, merely to “fit in.” You’re happy (let’s not go overboard, you’re OK with you) 364 days of the year.

CHALLENGE: Whether you’re partner-less by choice or circumstance, you have the opportunity to defy those hyped expectations and be “the defiant” one by challenging these notions. Instead, you can declare:

*I won’t be with someone I don’t care about.

*I won’t ring in the New Year by kissing someone I don’t care about.

*I’m luckier than those cleaving with strangers or those who are unhappily “obligated.”

*I won’t turn my entire self-worth into a “couplet.”

*I won’t take this particular night to whip myself silly with a tacky noisemaker.

So curl up, get comfy and enjoy, because that’s truly something worth celebrating.

A happy, healthy and safe New Year to all!

Love,

Marnie

Copyright © Marnie Macauley /2012 Singular Communications, LLC

Marnie MacauleyAdvice guru Marnie Winston-Macauley — therapist, author, speaker — has been a radio, TV, and syndicated advice columnist and counselor for over 20 years. Witty, wise and totally irreverent with a self-professed loathing for psychobabble, she’s written over 20 books and calendars, along with  hundreds of relationship columns and features for prominent publications.  She has her MS degree from the Columbia University School of Social Work.  In media, her work has garnered her Emmy and Writer’s Guild Best Writing nominations. She is widowed and now living single. For personal advice, you can also find Marnie Macauley on Liveperson.com or on Presto Experts. She invites you to join her on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. 
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