| Scammers are the Nicest People: Part Three |
 Contributing Editor  Editor’s Note: This is the conclusion of the Clark saga, my personal experience with a “romance scammer.” Who would have guessed that this is such a thriving cottage industry? Gee, it might be subsidizing (i.e. propping up) the shadow economy of a whole third world nation — Nigeria. Does that make me feel better and more altruistic? Not a chance. Also I feel only grateful for having escaped this experience with bank account and emotions (mostly) intact — others are not so lucky. I have written this story to help open the eyes of those who might fall victim — not only the unaware, uninitiated, gullible souls you might imagine, but sharp-eyed and aware Singulars as well . Please read Part I and Part 2 to know the full story and all the “gory” details.  "How am I supposed to love someone I have never met? I don't even know you!" I yelled back to Clark’s dramatically furious IM, flourishing my own angry-faced non-smilies. "And I am DEFINITELY not sending any money to someone I haven't laid eyes on!""Fine," he said. " I'll find my own way to do this. You don't love me." "Grrrr...," I said, thoroughly fed up. The next day I got a cold message from Clark: " I am selling my laptop and my watch and will be coming back to California. But I will not stop to see you. You don't love me. You are not worthy of a love. You don't know how to be in a relationship." Open mouthed I sat in front of my computer, staring at the words. Then I started laughing. And laughing. And laughing. It took me almost six weeks and a very small piece of my heart (and a whole bunch of feeling very foolish, but thanking my guardian angel too), but I had dodged the big fat cannonball, the buckets of boiling oil. Ha! SCAMMER...!!!  Epilogue As a journalist and avid observer of human nature, I quickly snapped back from this experience, but with the hunger to know if this sort of thing occurred in the online dating world, and with what frequency. I discovered a newsgroup on Yahoo called Romancescams. To my shock and amazement, this group has currently almost 15,000 members, many of whom have lost thousands of dollars and have suffered broken hearts, even more painful to endure, because it also comes with the realization that they were played for the fool.  There are Russian women scams, Nigerian scams, other countries and both sexes. Mostly the scammers — though they profess to come from the US, Europe, Russia or Eastern Europe — are actually all young men — and come from Nigeria. Even the beautiful, young Russian girls are Nigerian men. As a member of this group for the time necessary for me to find my information and get my bearings (read: sanity) again, I found that the online dating sites are inundated with scammers. Some, like Clark, are more sophisticated and savvy than others. The same photos, many of which are from a Hawaiian modeling agency site, and some just simply stolen from various personal home pages and other places, appear over and over with different screen names, but similar stories. There is usually a wife/husband that has left/died. There is usually a son/daughter left behind, being raised by the kindly(and lonely) widowed or jilted parent. There is usually some sort of voyage involved, to Africa or another country for whatever reason. Then there are the "tragedies" — the mother needing an operation and no funds, the lack of the ticket back home, the auto accident on the way to the airport, the heart/kidney or other organ transplant needed for the son/daughter. Romancescams spells it all out — and provides a member submitted photo and informational database of some 30,000 known scammers. I did not find Clark there, but submitted his photo and info for posterity.  I am still on Match, but have become (joyously!) a Scammer-Buster. When I get a suspicious "wink" or email and look at a suspicious portrait that just doesn't add up (says the guy is "Native American," the language is strange, repeats itself, plus usually their politics are "Ultra Conservative" while my profile states clearly I am a liberal, is looking for anyone age 19 - 89...) then I bust them to Match. Match is pretty quick and good about getting on the case of these scammers and taking down their profiles. I think they also know that this falls within the grey area of their liability. Bad for business for sure. Other dating sites have been assaulted by these resolute scammers. Even SingularCity has not been immune (and even though it is not a dating site, but rather a community site catering to single adults). Learning about the scammers and reading the stories, researching on the Internet and having personal contact with some of the victims has been eye-opening for sure. Feeling the pain One young woman lost her mother this way. The mother, mid 40's, who had had a terrible auto accident which left her as a quadriplegic a few years ago, fell for a scammer -- and actually went to Nigeria to meet the guy and married him. The daughter calling me for information was desperate, as she had not had contact with the mother after the marriage the week before. The mother emptied her bank account to go to meet the guy (who was very likely already married with a family). The U.S. consulate in Nigeria was unwilling to investigate without any claims of crime or foul play. Who knows what has befallen this woman, who needs help to take care of the basics in her life, such as taking a bath, getting into bed. I would not be surprised if she was robbed of anything valuable and then dumped in the countryside, never to see America or her daughter again. Another woman I talked to was a cop. Through threats and promises, she finally got her scammer to confess. Instead of the 39-year-old man with a fifteen-year-old son that she thought she was dealing with, the scammer was a 19-year-old boy — who was playing both parts of the father and son. He pleaded with her, crying and begging, not to call Interpol on him. He told her that he really wanted to stop this life, but that it was like a mafia — powerful and dangerous men threatened his family if he wouldn't continue. He also told her that it was impossible to make an honest living in Nigeria. Whether these things are true or not, is unknown. However, she had the impression that he was (finally) telling the truth. He was terrified, with her as an officer of the law, that he or his family would be harmed. Certainly that country is unregulated and these sorts of "industries" can thrive. I'm sure to some extent there are two sides to the story, but I tend to not be terribly sympathetic to anyone who chooses crime and duping innocent, vulnerable (maybe stupid sometimes?) victims over trying to live a straight, honest life. But then, I am not living in Nigeria, so who am I to judge? Certainly a society that seems to favor and reward the criminals can be one that is very difficult to confront. And I have my own experience to remind me and give me a healthy dose of humility. I did get sucked in, albeit for a brief time. I did swallow the story. I did have feelings for the elusive and illusionary Clark. That remains, along with the lesson. And the story. And that photo of Clark, with his kind eyes and enigmatic smile. Also read Scammers Are the Nicest People: Part One and Scammers are the Nicest People: Part Two Did you have a similar experience — or do you have thoughts to share? We welcome your comments below.
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I read the last installment of “Scammers are the Nicest People” last night.
I found it to be both educational and entertaining (I know it’s a very serious subject), but you added your own brand of humor that I so enjoy :)
While a lot of it is common sense, too often when it comes to matters of the heart, we don’t think with our heads.
DougG, grammar does play a very important role in detection ;)