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By Marva Marrow
Contributing Editor
Okay. In the spirit of true confession I write this, and finally lay the experience to rest. This is my story about Clark. I might first mention that Clark was (and is) an illusion — including to himself. I suppose that was his charm and attraction. But maybe, just maybe, that will already set up a couple of red flags in your mind. Other than that, Clark was perfect.
 I had spotted his profile on Match.com, sent to me by the Match selection gods. He seemed to be everything I could possibly hope for — reasonably good-looking, but still a real person's face — intellectual, intelligent. He had prematurely graying hair and below a high forehead, the serious eyes of a dreamer. He wore glasses. His mouth held the slightest shadow of an embarrassed grin, like someone who is not comfortable in front of a camera, but yet determined to go through the motions to record that moment in time.
His mouth also held the promise of sensuality, especially combined with the expression in his eyes — the compassionately humorous gaze. There was, and still is, something incredibly compelling about that grainy photo. Looking at it, I have to admit that it still fills me with some longing of what could have been, what was not.
Ripe fruit?
I had been on Match for a month. I had had one lunch with a sad man who lived in the mountains and thought he was “not good enough.†I had exchanged a few emails with others ― even going completely out on a limb, taking the initiative and writing to a couple of promising guys myself. I have always been the epitome of the self-confident active go-getter in my professional and artistic life — fearless. But as a woman, where I had to "sell" myself, my qualities on the emotional level, on the "me" level, I was in more insecure territory.
So I looked at Clark's profile, dreamed a little dream and then moved on. To my surprise, a couple of days later, I got an email from him! Amazing! He had also seen my profile (on Match, if you click on and look at someone's profile, they are alerted that you have taken a look) and wanted to get in touch! He lived in Sacramento — a number of hours from me, but not so far that meeting halfway, or driving either way, would be unrealistic.
He wrote me a sweet note that I just took at face value — how he thought we had things in common, how he liked what I had to say, how he liked the way I looked. I wrote back, expressing my thoughts about how I had come across his profile, liked it and had wished that he would get in touch. Serendipity was pulling at my heartstrings. Pragmatic and down to earth as I am, I am still a sucker for romance, underneath it all.
I noticed that, unlike his articulate profile on Match, his English was, well, strange. It was definitely not the English of a native speaker. He also encouraged me to communicate with him on Yahoo IM, saying that way we could talk to each other better and quicker. Amused, I went through the hoops to get the instant message thing going on my computer.
 As soon as it was installed, immediately a message came up, with floating balloons and a big SMACK! of an animated kiss. I was a bit taken aback — this was a little too corny for me. But I didn't think too much about that. I mainly thought he was very sweet — and attentive.
I asked him about the language issue. He said he was an engineer, specializing in oil prospecting and that he was German. He told me he had moved to the U.S. from Germany with his younger adopted brother five years before. He told me that he was an orphan. He and his "brother" had been raised in Germany by a nun.
Clark said when he moved to the U.S. he had moved with his wife as well, and that she had died shortly after they moved to the States. Oddly, he didn't seem to want to dwell on that much. But I thought he just didn't want to think about that painful subject. Once he mentioned his wife and her death, he never talked about her again. Down deep in my brain, it did seem strange that he would not mention anything they had done together, the move to California or any of that.
Drip drip...
We kept up the communication, mostly through the IM (instant messaging). I was wondering when we would progress to talking on the phone, but he seemed to prefer this method of "talking." So, since it was new and interesting to me, I let that be.
Quicker than I would like, he started laying on the romantic stuff. He also started sending me sweet, but very corny hearts and flowers poems. And he started talking about planning travel — with me — to Germany to visit the old nun, his "mother" as he called her.
He encouraged me to renew my passport, which I did, thinking I might want to visit friends in Europe anyway. Things were escalating quicker than I wanted, but I figured this was just his passion, his enthusiasm. I kept reminding him that we had not even met yet and we needed to take that step to even confirm if there would be any mutual interest face to face. But, like the drip, drip, drip of the leaky faucet wearing off the polished surface of the durable porcelain sink, he was starting to wear down my defenses, starting to suck me into the dream.
I guess there had been a weak place in my logic, in my emotional armor when he came into my life. Somewhere where my senses ― and common sense ― had been anesthetized. And, with his relentless conviction, dreams and attentiveness, he was getting to me.
Watch for Scammers Are the Nicest People: Part 2 (conclusion) next week!
We welcome your comments below.
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BTW, the photos are always so alluring, aren't they?
Read the other two parts of this article. There are lots of red flags to watch for and you will get lots of tips and advice. Be careful girl!
The dating sites are a big pond where people, especially players, have "threads" that are far reaching...into your pocket or your heart.
Recently, I helped a (male) friend of mine post a profile on a popular dating site. Almost immediately, (I guess the male:female ratio is skewed) he was met with a plethora of e-mails with many similarities to the article.
I warned my friend of the perils of internet dating when he first logged on. My number 1 rule -- schedule a face-to-face meeting within 3 days of communication. If their is mutual interest, this won't be a problem. Since he's been following this rule, athough his choices have lessened, the quality of women has increased.