For those women on the hunt, here are some tips on how to avoid wasting your time with a man who does not intend to change his single relationship status.
Life is too short to be waiting around and hoping for something that will never happen. Wishful thinking on the part of marriage-minded women can keep them stuck in some pretty awful situations for months, even years at a time. Women who think it’s just a matter of time before he comes around often end up in a state of limbo, somewhere in-between an acquaintance and a girlfriend, but nothing that resembles a platonic friendship — for sure.
In Hooking Up by Kathleen Bogle, interviews with several 20-something college students and alumni illustrates how women are often the victim of emotional and sexual exploitation. Hook-ups occur on several occasions, usually aided by alcohol, and when she thinks it’s time to change his relationship status on Facebook, he goes MIA.
Too many women convince themselves that frequent hook-ups will lead to something more and are left wondering what they did wrong when the hook-up never evolves into a full-blown relationship.
It’s okay to let the man test drive the car before he buys it, but don’t just handover the keys without any agreed upon stipulations. Here are a few ways to distinguish whether he’s a serious buyer or just taking a test drive:
Hold his hand in public
Hard core single men cringe at the thought of being claimed in the presence of that super hot brunette at the end of the bar. If he repeatedly finds ways to break the hand holding, he is nowhere near ready to settle down.
Make him watch “When in Rome”
It is quite possibly one of the most excruciatingly cheesy, romantic comedies I’ve ever seen, but if he’s willing to sit through that whole movie with you, then he thinks you’re a keeper. Spending time with you, even when it’s painful, is definitely a good sign that he’s thinking coupled might not be as bad as he thought.
Go out to eat and let him pick up the check
Men generally don’t like to invest their money into a casual encounter, unless she’s a hooker. If he picks up the check, it’s safe to say there is potential for exclusivity.
Invite him to a couple’s night out
Call your closest friends that are “off-the-market” and set up a couples date for all of you to go out together. Book a cooking class, get tickets to a comedy club, or visit a museum. Couple activities are like kryptonite to dedicated bachelors, they won’t want to go anywhere near it.
Meet the family
I don’t mean your parents, but if you have siblings or cousins, they would do. Invite him to watch your little brothers basketball game with you or come to your cousin’s birthday party at a bar. Men that don’t have any intention on settling down anytime wouldn’t want to step foot into the family territory.
Do not initiate “the talk”
You never want to put a man on the spot to make an important decision then and there. Giving up your singlehood and committing to an exclusive relationship gets more and more difficult for men as they get older.
They are not only giving up their independence, but they’re also putting themselves at risk of the drama that comes with relationships, not to mention the potential to be hurt.
Believe it or not, men can often get the milk without buying the cow, so they’re not going to commit to just any old heifer. Try out some of these simple tests and you’ll know if he’s going to be your Prince Charming or forever be a Dark Knight.
Take it or leave it.