Single mom advisor and healthy lifestyle expert has five reasons why being a single parent can sometimes be better than raising children in a married household.
The institution of marriage has seen it’s fair share of cracks lately. Even couples who vowed to stay together for “the sake of the children” are finding that they can’t make the married connective tissue stick. In fact, based on the latest census bureau statistics there are over 14 million single parent households with children under the age of 18.
I don’t want to focus on the bad or wrong of being divorced. Instead, as the single mom advisor and author of It Takes All 5, I would like to honor those of you who are making it on your own with 5 solid reasons why it’s better for you, and ultimately your children, to be a single parent.
- No Negotiations Necessary While your married counterparts continue to disagree on the state of their children’s welfare, you get to make unilateral choices in your household. Which in the long run is better for your offspring’s well-being. A child’s behavior can be negatively affected by adult arguing. It will either leave them crying their eyes out or running for cover. With no one else in the house to challenge you, you may continue to be the cozy constant security blanket your children need.Granted there is a financial price to pay when you are the sole provider. Sometimes we can’t give our children everything they want, that is a valuable lesson and oftentimes what they thought was a “must-have” really isn’t. Ultimately if it is that important, you will find a way.
- Stellar Independent Role Model One of the best gifts I was able to give my two daughters was the knowledge that they can make it on their own. Change a light bulb without a dad in the house: snap Mom. Swoop a stylish up do for your teen with no mom in sight: Yeah Dad. It is the idea that you choose to “want” to be in a relationship, because there is a loving bond rather than you “need” to be in a relationship because there is stuff to be done or procured. When your child sees you as a completely whole and independent adult, they will learn to emulate your healthy behaviors.
- Relationship Options May Vary Whether you choose to believe it or continue to follow religious rules, our society is shifting away from the bonds of matrimony. A recent Pew study revealed that just over half of adult Americans are married, the lowest rate in decades. Children will be enlightened and possibly relieved that they are no longer tied to that traditional lifestyle. Marriage is optional and sometimes not applicable. Long-term relationships without wedding bands can be stronger.My idols in this arena are Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn; they’ve been together for nearly 30 years. These lessons are particularly important for girls, who were raised on the fictitious belief that Prince Charming would sweep them off their feet to live happily ever after and then become enormously disappointed when their fairytale ending becomes a hardcore courtroom reality.
- Bed Sharing Not Required Married couples may have more sex, but it isn’t nearly as much fun. Being single allows us to tease, experiment and explore the bawdy awareness of every new lover. Enticing isn’t it? Researchers at the University of Pisa found that testosterone levels, in both men and women, make the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship.My favorite part of becoming single again was the choice to have or not to have a mate in my bed. The National Sleep Foundation reported that sleeping two to a bed could cause you to lose 49 minutes of sleep per night. That’s a lot! On the nights when no one is next to me to snuggle with, I lay diagonally across the mattress relishing the cool crisp sheets on “his side.” Of course, it’s never advisable to experiment with new lovers when children are in the house.
- Building a Better Body Marriages are like your freshman year in college. You could have the tendency to pack on the pounds. One study found that women would gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of their wedded bliss and a whopping fifty-four pounds by the ten-year mark. While their single counterparts stay slim. Most of us have an overriding desire to want to be attractive to perspective mates of the opposite sex.Celebrities are not immune to the divorce diet; Tom Cruise reportedly lost 15 pounds after splitting with Katie. Jennie Garth lost 20 and Demi Moore has been stick thin since the departure of her sweetheart, Ashton Kutcher. Taking better care of yourself is not only good for your mind, body and soul but your self-esteem too. Plus it’s great role modeling for your kids.
Many reports will tell you that being a single parent is stressful. It is. But no more stressful than being a married parent. Ultimately, we all want to step into our own with confidence and take every curve ball life throws us with our independent spirit intact. The best way to handle the inevitable life shifts is to stay positive, reach out for support from your friends and family and most importantly take time to breathe.
Copyright © Kerri Zane / 2013 Singular Communications, LLC.