Whether being single is a temporary phase or lifelong decision, let’s enjoy our singular adventure together.

By Kim Calvert

When I was 35, I met a dashing Englishman. He asked me to marry him after four months of dating. When I discussed his early proposal with my best girlfriend, who was in a miserable marriage, she said, “Do it! You don’t want to turn 40 and still be single, do you?” So I married Philip, and, by 40, was divorced.

Since then, I’ve had several relationships — some lasting as long as six years, others a few months — and the one thing they all had in common was that my choices were driven by the idea that married is good and single is bad. Romance and passion played only a minor role. It was all about landing a good catch.

But that all changed a few years ago in an “Ah ha!” moment — unexpected and unsought — that rocked my perception of relationships. It happened one evening as I quietly observed some of my Los Angeles friends talk about dating. There were 12 of us there, five of us married. One by one, the single folk started to explain why they were still unmarried and what they were doing to fix it.

Even my friend Eric, who’s been in a 10-year relationship with a woman who lives three blocks away, was asked, “So, why don’t you move in together? Why don’t you marry?”

I watched Eric fumble for a politically correct response before finally saying, “We like it this way.”

Seeing his discomfort and then hearing the conviction of his answer, I suddenly realized, “Hey, I like it this way too!” I like being single. I like my life. I have great friends, I’m active, involved in my community and have the career of my dreams. I love my alone time — to read, write, meditate and be me without compromise. I don’t need another half to be whole. I am complete.

And yes, I like men, I enjoy romance, I love intimacy — but it’s so much better now that I’ve banished the marriage agenda that used to tag along on every romantic adventure. That’s not to say I’m against the idea of marriage. I might even do it again someday. But if I do, it will be because I want to, not because I feel I have to.

So if you can identify with me, if you’re comfortable being single, if you enjoy an active, social lifestyle — if you enjoy romance, travel and adventure — Singular magazine and its online community, singularcity.com are for you. Every issue will provide information to enhance and celebrate your single lifestyle and SingularCity brings you an entire community of Los Angeles “singulars” that meet online and at our events. So whether being single is a temporary phase or lifelong decision, let’s enjoy this journey together.

Copyright © Kim Calvert/2010 Singular Communications, LLC.