 
Dear Mahvelous,
Jared, a guy that I met online, seems to be the real deal — down to earth, caring, witty and smart. I think I might have struck the jackpot! We’ve been seeing each other exclusively for two months now and still no bumps in the road. So why am I writing? Well, the problem is me.
Jared sees me as a successful career woman (I am in public relations, in my early 40s). I move in higher social circles, am stable and mature. That’s who I am now, but a big part of my life was spent walking on the wilder side, tasting some of the more “experimental” things in life, shall we say? I never did hard drugs or anything really outrageous, but I am not sure he would want to know about my gigs as a go-go dancer or how I hitchhiked all over Europe in my 20s -- you get the picture.
These things are in my past, but they also do make me who I am today. And in some sort of Kerouac way, I am proud of them. Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to share my past with him. Should I let the skeletons out of the closet? — Kate
Dear Kate,
Honey, your past gets my romantic blood churning! I too was a high-spirited filly, sowing my oats and lovin’ it. Nothing wrong with that! But I think your concern might be that you perceive Jared as being sort of, well, straight? Does that also mean straight-laced and judgmental?
If he seems almost too perfect, you might have trouble living up to your idea of what you think he expects. Or is he actually a living, breathing, compassionate and understanding human being? If so, then you might be surprised to find that he also has a past. Most people with depth do. It takes life experience to glean understanding and nurture compassion.
So how do you find out? Start by throwing out little bones about real or fictitious third parties and their unconventional lives, situations or experiences and see how he reacts. If he comments negatively, then you will get an inkling of how he might react to your past. If he uses one of your comments to spin off a story about his younger, wilder days and adventures — and the tone is admiration or acceptance, you will have your answer. In any case, you will start to have a more rounded picture of this “perfect” guy. He may or may not be perfect for you — which is, what really counts.
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