Dear Mahvelous,
I was in St. Moritz over the Christmas holidays and met Giovanni, from Rome. He was skiing with friends, as I was, and we had a whirlwind, two-week romance that left me breathless and wanting more. But coming back down to earth and reality in Los Angeles, I quickly realized that this was likely a vacation fling, without any future, and left it as a rose-colored memory. Since then, we have exchanged a few emails and talked on the phone a couple of times, but with no plans to take it further. In fact, I am back in the casual dating scene here and enjoying my busy professional and personal life.
Yesterday Giovanni called out of the blue and announced that he is planning on spending his month-long August vacation with me in Los Angeles! In some ways I am pleased, but I am also worried about the expectations and responsibility this entails. I would love to see him, but a whole month? He will be on vacation, but I will be working most of that time. What if things don’t work out. What should I do? — Marguerite
Dear Marguerite,
Like a rose, this one is thorny and sweet. You have the opportunity to rekindle the flames that made your vacation memorable. But realistically, vacation romances, when everyone is away from “real life” are not terribly reliable indicators of how things might be once the rose-colored filters of exotic places and white-gloved waiters are no longer in the picture. How will he fit into your day-to-day reality and circle of friends? Visitors on vacation try to be sympathetic of those who are dealing with the normal things in life — work, family obligations, exercise schedules, pre-existing plans, but these necessities also tend to make them impatient. After all, Giovanni is coming to have fun. So you, as hostess, will likely feel the pressure to entertain and be charming.
Tell Giovanni that you are happy that he is coming and that you would be glad to find him a nearby hotel and help him get a rental car, so he can feel more independent (translation from the Italian: you will feel more independent). Involve your friends in setting up some activities, get togethers and sightseeing for him. Set aside the time you can for spending your weekends or evenings. But don’t feel like you need to be holding his hand and entertaining him 24/7. With his visit, but also with some breathing space, who knows, you might light that fire again. Or, if not, he will still have a good visit and you will have avoided the thorns.
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