Dear Mahvelous,
My co-worker, Josh, someone I work with closely, has had a crush on me for some time. He keeps dropping hints and looking at me with “those looks” and the pressure is escalating. The problem is, I like him, but not in that way — not romantically — and I am pretty sure I never will. Is there a way to let him know how I feel without making our work situation intolerable? — Peg
Dear Peg,
This is one of those ancient “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” dilemmas. Some sort of ego-bruising is bound to happen. What makes it all the more delicate is the recipient of the attentions (you) has likely experienced an unrequited crush at one time or another, so we know how it feels to get the “not interested” heave-ho. But there is a way out, with minimal damage. Try coating the bitter pill with kindness. Find ways to praise Josh’s ideas and talents, and other small ways to mention how much you value his friendship. Guys don’t like hearing that word when they are imagining you in other fantasies, but it works. Like Chinese water torture, the consistent drip, drip, drip of the “F” word should start to quench the flames of his passion for you, with minimal pain to your working relationship. But if this innocent flirtation moves into more serious harassment territory, seek the support of your boss.
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