Dear Mahvelous,
I’m dating a woman I really like. Serena is interesting, smart and funny, in her 30s. She is also the opposite of a gold digger. In fact, she never wants me to pick up the check for anything! She acts embarrassed when I try. It’s getting a bit ridiculous. She makes more money than me, but I certainly do okay. How can I communicate to her that she isn’t doing me a favor? — Brian
Dear Brian,
I get an uncomfortable vibe about this. Although I could chalk up her actions to an excessive zeal for equality of the sexes, I think it is more than that. It is an effective way to keep you at arm’s reach. Delving into Serena’s mind I might hear it whispering, “If I am not beholden to him in any way, then I won’t have to get close. I won’t owe him anything.” Do you hear that little voice too?
Try this next time you are with her at a restaurant and the check arrives: When she whips out her card, with lightning speed, put your hand over hers before she can reach for the check. Look into her eyes and firmly, with a warm smile, say, “My turn.” If she relents, then you will know you have broken the barrier. If not, then, my friend, I think it’s time to move on.
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