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| Simon is quite the globetrotter — and there isn’t always the best Internet connection in the fragrant hills of Borneo or in the rain forest of Bahia. So he suggested that his American cousin, the thoroughly Simon-vetted, Marvelle, aka “Mahvelous” be presented to our SingularCity denizens — to mind things while he is out of touch, doing whatever Simon does.
Mahvelous, glamorous and wise beyond her years (we are not saying how many, as befits a lady), has a faithful following. She has discretely advised heads of state, pop divas, socialites, social pariahs and friends of friends on their personal maelstroms. We welcome Mahvelous to SingularCity — and Mahvelous welcomes your questions.
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Dear Mahvelous,
When I was growing up, dating had a different approach. We met, fell in “like,” got to know each other and then, if all the stars were aligned in the right direction (and our clique of friends approved) we sometimes fell into bed. Now it is no longer called dating — it is called “hooking up.” What’s with that?
If a girl gets a dinner and a moonlight walk along the Santa Monica Pier before the deed is done or expected, then she is already ahead of the game. I feel I need to conform to this new “tradition,” but, on the other hand, it also doesn’t feel right to me? Is there a middle ground? If so, how can I get there? —Danielle
Dear Danielle,
Some of the old adages might sound a bit sappy, but if you wade through the saccharine, you might find them true. For example, being true to yourself. This one is still worth its weight in love beads. If it doesn’t feel right to leap between the sheets, listen to your instincts. And I am talking about your instincts, not your libido!
It does take some self-confidence to stand up to what seems to be the norm these days. When approaching a difficult subject, especially when fragile egos on both sides are at stake, I like to dress with the right outfit for the occasion — humor. Keeping it light, flirtatious, but with that undercurrent of sincerity can take the edge off what might otherwise be awkward for both of you. Make it clear to your guy friend that you like him and just want to get to know each other a little better, give it some breathing room, before it is “do or die.” Of course you also want to make it clear that you do find him attractive — if that is true. If he is truly interested in something beyond yet another one-night stand, you will quickly find out. Either way, it’s worth it.
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We can certainly agree on THAT -- thanks for posting!! We women seem to be so afraid the guy will walk that we grab onto (okay, don't take that literally!!) the only grappling hook available to us (or so we think). The truth is, we have a lot more power when we live by our convictions than we give ourselves credit for. And the "prize" is so much more meaningful when it is really something we want and feels right.