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Simon does indeed have a tender heart. Dig, dig and you will find its soft interior in this message
about double-edged giftgiving.
Dear Simon,
I have a friend who makes a really good living. She likes to give very extravagant gifts. Although I really appreciate the thought and care with which she chooses them, the fact that she spends so much money (and time) makes me uncomfortable. Not only that, but I feel like I need to reciprocate whenever there’s a gift-giving occasion. I’m getting to the point where I approach every holiday and birthday with a sense of dread and obligation. How should I handle this? — Gift-Giver Renee
Dear Renee,
I understand your dilemma very well. Before I squandered the family fortune on cards and women, I was often overly generous with my manservant. Then at Christmas, I received a beautiful set of chopsticks, carved from the femur bone of one of his children. It wasn’t until I saw the little guy struggling on the soccer field that I realized the true cost of my largesse.
Seriously, though, this is really a problem for you and not your friend. If she is as rich as you say, then her gifts may not seem as extravagant to her as they do to you, and you don’t need to reciprocate in kind. It is a question of proportionality. If you are genuine friends, then it is entirely appropriate to accept her expensive gifts and to give her something small and thoughtful in return. I once gave a beautiful woman a pebble. She treasured it far more than her diamonds.
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