Sex and the Pity

Sex and the Pity

Sex and the City 2 leaves this reviewer wishing the theater had given the audience remote controls with fast-forward buttons.

Sex and the City
If you’ve clicked the link to read this movie review, chances are you know exactly what I’m going to say — Sex and the City 2 was predictable and formulaic. I kept praying for the plot to thicken (not like gravy thickened with cornstarch) but alas, there were no unforeseen plot twists anywhere.

Nevertheless, the movie, like its prequel and the TV series, still delivered the goods in terms of glitz and glamour. So if that’s your fix, expect to be satiated. Although I have to say, a few of those outfits made me feel like I was watching Bea Arthur on an overdose of St. John’s Wort. I mean really, was this a Chico’s kind of day?

Sex and the City

From the get-go, the jokes were lame and the delivery made the movie feel like the producers had filmed a Broadway show. Making it seem even more so was the cameo musical routine performed by Liza Minnelli. Actually, her number was very entertaining and I’m glad to see that she’s still “Stepping Out” at her age.

A refreshing character in the movie was Charlotte’s well-endowed nanny — a gorgeous Irish girl played by Alice Eve. I’m not gay but I couldn’t take my eyes off this woman. She and her leprechaun boobs could have their own spin-off movie. I for one would purchase tickets immediately to show my support.

Sex and the CityAs for more eye candy, actor John Corbett (Carrie’s ex-boyfriend Aiden) has never looked better. I’d be happy to offer him a lifelong lease on my privates. Seeing Carrie and Aiden run into each other was the best part of the film. The moment they spot each other in a remote flea market, on the other side of the world, is exactly what the term movie-magic is all about and why slow motion was invented. It’s when your heart skips a beat and you don’t want to blink for fear of missing even the slightest micron of chemistry between them.

Chris Noth (who plays Big, Carrie’s husband) has oodles of female fans but I was shocked by how much he’s aged since the last Sex and the City movie. I was so distracted by the droop of his lower lids. Everybody knows that eyeballs have their namesake because they are spherical but I just don’t want to be reminded of that every time “Big” looks up, down, to the left or to the right. If he would just stick to looking straight ahead when on camera, it would shave 10 years off his appearance. That being said, Noth still managed to captivate me with his sexy style of debonair chivalry and his intense love for Carrie.

Some scenes didn’t make sense, such as when “Big” comes home on a Monday evening to find Carrie wearing a full length, black strapless dress, six-inch heels and dramatic evening make-up — and this doesn’t conjure any recollection in his brain of them having plans that night? As if that’s her usual attire for let’s eat Chinese take-out tonight? The girl was practically wearing a tiara. I don’t know about you but I’ve often donned a kimono and Tai Chi swords when I have Asian food delivered to the house. Call me crazy. Does that make me Type-A or Taipei?

Sex ahd the City

Common sense also escaped the film’s writers when Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda arrived in the Abu Dhabi desert. Up until that point, the gals each got their own butler and limo, but once they got into the sand, they had to partner-up on the camels. I wasn’t aware of the escalating dromedary shortage in the Middle East. Continuity, please!

Sex ahd the City

To sum it all up, same old – same old. Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) works so hard that she neglects her family. Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is a hopeless romantic traditionalist who continues to annoy me with her prissy-preppy attitude. Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is still pathetically oversexed to the point that we feel sorry for her. As for Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), everyone I know is fascinated that Sarah Jessica’s breasts are real and in ample supply, even though she only weighs 90 pounds.

Sex ahd the City

The last Sex and the City movie had the girls busting their single lady butts to get married. This sequel is more empowering with its message that our friendships can transcend all other issues in life —an important theme here at Singular.

All in all, I knew I would be disappointed in this movie so you’re probably asking why I went to see Sex and the City 2 in the first place. The answer is simple … because at the end of the day, the confidence and glamour radiated by the Sex and the City gals makes me feel beautiful too.

Sex and the City 2

Sex and the City 2

2 hours, 27 minutes
Rated R
Comedy/Drama/Romance‎
Director: Michael Patrick King
Cast: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth.
Playing in theaters everywhere.

Text copyright © 2010 Barbara Bloom/Singular Communications, LLC

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