Hey guys, ever wonder why you’re not getting the kind of response rate you expected when you message women via online dating sites?
When I talk to single guys about online dating, their most common complaint is that women can’t be bothered to respond to their e-mails or messages. When I dig a little deeper to find out why, the reason is almost always the same: many men don’t take the time to tailor their e-mails for a specific woman. Instead, they send out the same e-mail to everyone and then wait to see who will respond. They think quantity is the key because they’ve heard that online dating is a numbers game.
Of course, this tactic doesn’t work so well.
Online dating can bring out the worst as well as the best in people. This is particularly apparent when you’re communicating with matches. Some guys go for the sexual advances right away, hoping to see how far they can get. Others take a more casual yet generic approach. But what strategy actually gets you the best response?
A recent article in Time magazine discussed some of the worst questions women get when they’re online dating. So guys, if you want to get more responses, you have to pay attention. Being aware of how you come across to a woman who doesn’t know you, your motives, or even your sense of humor, is critical. Don’t expect replies when you say something flippant like, “So, why are you single?”
Questions like this can bring up a range of emotions in the women you are reaching out to — some might think you’re calling them failures, while others might wonder if you’re snooping around for bad relationship habits (like being too clingy, emotional, or angry and jealous). A good tip to keep in mind: if you don’t want to answer the question yourself, you probably shouldn’t ask a woman that same question.
Another question guys tend to ask is: “What do you do for fun?” While this seems pretty harmless, it shows you didn’t read her profile. Why should she bother to respond when you haven’t put any effort into getting to know her by reading what she already shared? Chances are she mentioned her hobbies or interests, or even posted photos depicting what she likes to do. To make your question a little more engaging or interesting, why not get specific? Try this instead: “I see from your profile you love scuba diving. Where is your favorite place to go?” It shows you are interested and paying attention to details. That’s attractive.
One question guys ask all the time is: “How was your day?” Really guys? Would you want to respond to a woman who might have sent this same e-mail out to 50 other guys? This type of question is way too generic to be taken seriously. Again, try to be more engaging. Instead, how about asking: “After a week at your job, what do you most want to do when you wake up on Saturday morning?” That way, you get a real sense of a woman’s happiness and how she likes to spend her free time.
And this last tip goes without saying: the number one turn-off for women when they are online dating is poor grammar. Don’t use text-speak when you begin communicating with a woman. Let her know you have a grasp of the English language and the written word. It’s sexy when you know the difference between you’re and your – a lot sexier than the shirtless photos you might want to send her.
Bottom line: refrain from asking anything that you wouldn’t want to answer, or you wouldn’t find particularly engaging. Remember, you’re looking to light a spark. Use your creativity.