New Year’s Resolutions for Singles

New Year’s Resolutions for Singles

Instead of resolving to lose 10 pounds how about a resolution to lose those old ideas about being single and adopt a new plan for successful single living?

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Alpha Spirit / 123RF Photo

Now that we’ve all OD’d on turkey, latkes, yummy cheesy grits, and maybe even fried calves brains for Festivus, then washed down caviar and champagne while waiting for that 5-4-3-2 countdown into the New Year, we’re stuck with the task of our dreaded New Year’s resolutions.

My personal list is always the same: lose 10 pounds, try exercising while vertical and quit thinking that big freckle is a sign of a dreaded disease. My resolutions are always the same because by January 31, I’m lounging around with my face in a chocolate cake while obsessing on the freckle. People, we can do better. So in honor of New Year’s resolutions, this year’s New Year’s column is a small selection of “Marnie-isms” — bon mots, thoughts, aphorisms and truisms that might actually help us live a happier singular life.

Getting It! Personal Resolutions for Living

* MARNIE SAYS: Where would the French be if Joan of Arc let some dude named Pierre insist she stay home and practice making cream puffs? This doesn’t necessary mean you have to take the journey of life solo or refuse to compromise. It means to be the boss of you, not parting with your very own desires or your own values for love and life.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: Be OK with me and refuse to bend my important principles and passions for anyone else, no matter what the prize.

* MARNIE SAYS: Perfectly safe is for pencil pushers, not Picassos. If you’re about taking the safe route, you may be missing out. I’m not talking about imbibing on 20 tequila shots, but taking reasonable risks. I promise that you’ll be surprised at what life has to offer.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: Quit being afraid of the unknown and take a few new turns and risks with optimism. I will ask myself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I try?” and my answer will be … “I’ll be happier.”

* MARNIE SAYS: Continued fury will shred your soul, zap your joy, and whittle away at your integrity. Sure we get angry when we’ve been disappointed, betrayed, or hurt. If you hold onto rage, you become your own worst enemy, overwhelmed by thoughts of revenge, questioning “Why?” and remaining in a state that will affect your thoughts, ability to love, and self-care.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: I will learn that life may be an unfair deal but while I won’t forget, I’ll forgive myself and others – and move on.

* MARNIE SAYS: A smart human doesn’t expect a duck to sing an aria. We women, in particular, are nurturers who were often raised to “fix” others. Worse, should we fail we unfairly blame ourselves. While change is certainly possible, if, after valiant attempts, we’re back to square one, it’s time to either accept people for who they are, or go, without thinking it’s our fault.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: While I’ll try to help those I care about, I’ll live life in the real lane. I refuse to play doctor or nurse to anyone.

* MARNIE SAYS: Never make the mistake of answering other people’s questions for them. How often have you heard yourself or others say “Why bother? I know what the answer will be.” Wrong. I’ve worked with so many clients who have already “decided” or “deduced” how other people will respond, often based on their own view of the world. They are often wrong and miss opportunities they could never imagine.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: I will not automatically avoid making contacts and decisions for others. Instead, I will offer my best, and revel in the surprise I will find when I don’t assume.

* MARNIE SAYS: Always choose a few good men/partners over a few good words. Believe the old expression “talk is cheap.” While we all love to hear the great stuff, men in particular, talk in action verbs, women in adjectives. Some may be serious, others, players. Unfulfilled promises, broken vows, even little lies are warning signs. Action, doing the deed, is the true test of integrity and trust. If the words and actions don’t line up, believe the gaps more than the blah blah, or you may get stuck in the word game “Sorry!”

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: Action and deeds are the real test of intentions. A person may be a great talker and if they stand behind the talk, terrific. If not, I won’t waste my time hoping, testing, and fretting, but will move on to someone I can trust.

* MARNIE SAYS: Roar, Tiger! Even in pain, it’s the sound of life. Whoever said “life is a ball” is probably on a Prozac drip. We now know through brain research that some people are simply born happy, while others strive to be marginally content. Whether life deals you a bad or good hand, revel in the possibilities. As mistakes are our best teachers and “bad” can become a valuable life lesson – more so than constant contentment.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: I will roar forward with appreciation, realizing that some of life’s best lessons are painful. I refuse to be apathetic to the draw of the cards.

* MARNIE SAYS: In the matter of constructive criticism: Shut Up. While this might sound odd coming from an advice columnist, trust me. If your partner hasn’t asked, don’t volunteer your superior advice. Picture it: she’s gained a few pounds. You say: “Girl, why don’t you join a gym?” She needs that? She wants your opinion? Of course not!

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: I will not volunteer “helpful” advice unless specifically asked. And even then, I will monitor my comments to be supportive and I refuse to give lectures.

If you resolve to put these in place, chances are your 2015 will be filled with peace and harmony, even if you find you may compromise a little on “total honesty.”

To all my readers: Have a healthy, happy, constructive, fascinating New Year’s.

With much love,

Marnie

Copyright © Marnie Macauley / 2014 Singular Communications, LLC

Marnie MacauleyAdvice guru Marnie Winston-Macauley — therapist, author, speaker — has been a radio, TV, and syndicated advice columnist and counselor for over 20 years. Witty, wise and totally irreverent with a self-professed loathing for psychobabble, she’s written over 20 books and calendars, along with  hundreds of relationship columns and features for prominent publications.  She has her MS degree from the Columbia University School of Social Work.  In media, her work has garnered her Emmy and Writer’s Guild Best Writing nominations. She is widowed and now living single. For personal advice, you can also find Marnie Macauley on Liveperson.com or on Presto Experts. She invites you to join her on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. 
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