Single people are in relationships — with their families, friends, co-workers and themselves — and each type of relationship needs special care and attention.
“I’m miserable when I’m not in a relationship,” a friend confided to me one day. “When I’m single, I’m so unhappy.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. How can this strong, beautiful, intelligent woman be so dependent on someone else?
It got worse. She continued, “Sometimes I date ‘under me’ to make myself feel better.”
I processed this. So not only is this bitch dating as a supply for false happiness, she is dating below her standards to boost her self-esteem. I didn’t understand it. It was almost downright pathetic.
Admittedly, there are some instances where I feel pathetic. Moments include an unexpected computer crash, using my phone to calculate a simple tip or pouring scalding bacon grease into a Tupperware, causing it to melt and spill slippery contents all over the newly cleaned kitchen floor. But because I’m single? Not a damn chance.
Aside from the fact I’m an obvious hot piece of ass (kidding, but not really), I’m witty, smart, ambitious, athletic, take 30 minutes to get ready, and can eat more than most people I know. If some guy wants to date a girl who eats salads over me, he can go for it. And I’m not lowering my standards for someone else just for a mere relationship title.
That being said, I have other relationships I’m very invested in. Call me a polygamist, if you will. Technically speaking, everyone has these relationships, too. And if you’re single, you should work on these to make them your best.
You’re born with your family and can’t exactly kill them off, so make the most out of this one.
As the oldest of five, I can honestly say my siblings are my best friends. If you don’t have siblings, not to fret. We’re at the age where it’s actually cool to hang out with your parents. And if your grandma is as hip as my Nana, that’s even better. Cousins, aunts, uncles, stepdad — whatever the case may be, strengthen that bond. Plus, as family, they have to already accept your bad habits. With a new significant other, you have to hide them and where is the fun in that?
This relationship calls for quality, not quantity. With a few good friends that have your back and accept you for the terrible person you are, you might as well lump them into the family section. Not to mention, some activities are just more fun to do with your friends. This includes spa days, recapping past sexcapades and googling pictures of Luke Bryan.
So quit being that person that cuts contact with her friends when dating a new guy, because as soon as you break up, you’ll be running to your friends for consolation. That’s just plain taking advantage of them.
Ovaries before brovaries, y’all.
Lady Gaga once told Cosmopolitan, “Some women choose to follow men… remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”
Your man may pay for dinner, but that monetary contribution isn’t going to help you get a promotion or own your position at work. Instead, put your free time towards networking, working on a project, or having coffee with a mentor.
Hell, grab some lunch with coworkers or quit turning down that happy hour (note that I said “turning down” and not “turning up”).
It sounds cliché, but how can you expect someone to love you when you’re so dependent on them for your own happiness and well-being? Let’s flip the scenario for a second: Would you love someone if they were hanging on your every action to make them happy? Probably not. Love yourself so others can. Now give yourself a hug. Squeeze in some exercise, too.
This article first appeared in the Huffington Post.
A lover of puns and an alliteration addict, Natalya enjoys running, reading, writing and being spontaneous, so long as her neurosis and type A personality doesn’t get in the way of anything. To see her work, visit JonesingForJournals.com.