Advice for Modern Dating

Advice for Modern Dating


Forget everything you thought you knew about modern dating. The rules have changed: sex comes first, then the date, and maybe then, a relationship.

Advice for Modern Dating

Carlo Dapino / 123RF Photo

More and more singles today are finding themselves living in a culture that seems to have completely renounced the traditional model of courtship in exchange for a more modern model ― one that has drastically accelerated the natural progression of dating as we once knew it.

There used to be a time when people got to know each other first before hopping into a relationship, getting married and bumping uglies. Back then, sex was the great symbolic act that really consummated a relationship. But in today’s world, people do everything backwards, starting at the end and working their way to the beginning. Before you know it, they’re already signing divorce papers ― all because they decided to seal the deal long before a deal was ever made in the first place.

The most problematic aspect of “new age” dating is that many single men and women engage in sexual activities long before they decide to be in a committed relationship. The problem with this backward model of courtship is that people are putting themselves at a higher risk to get pregnant or to contract a sexually transmitted infection without any guarantees of exclusivity. What’s even more frustrating about this model is that sex doesn’t always guarantee a relationship.

Modern Dating Traditional vs Modern Model

The only way to consummate or guarantee a relationship these days is by having “the talk” which many can testify, isn’t always easy, especially if you have a good thing going and you don’t want to ruin it. After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? That saying came from somewhere, and it came from people who don’t like having “the talk.”

With so many different ways to communicate with people, it’s getting easier and easier to put off important conversations. Do you call, text, Facebook, Tweet, Skype, FaceTime or Snapchat? You may think the answer is obvious, but is it really? As a result, these advancements in communication technologies have had such an adverse impact on the quality of our relationships that our current dating paradigms are undergoing a revolutionary transformation.

Welcome to the world of modern dating, dear friends, an age where love and romance are diluted by lustful desires for instant pleasures without consequence. That’s why it’s so important, now more than ever, for singles to empower themselves with the proper knowledge, insight and perspective they need to make better, more informed decisions in all matters pertaining to love, romance and seduction.

Three Essential Elements of Modern Dating

There are three essentials elements of modern dating that every dating singular must understand and embrace to enjoy a more satisfactory, even successful, dating experience. These three essential elements are based on empirical research that transcends generational divides, so no matter your age, these three fundamentals of dating will still apply to you.

First of all, dating is a game like any other, and games are theoretically designed to be fun, sometimes even challenging. Second of all, if dating is a game, and love is the prize, then you should be in it to win it. Thirdly, every game consists of three components: players to play, prizes to win, and a playbook for winning. Here are the three essentials elements of the new dating game described in further detail:

Players – The first essential of modern dating is learning to identify the players in your current or ideal dating pool. Who are the other players in the game? What is their experience? Do they have any strengths or weaknesses? There are four primary player types you’ll come across in the dating game: the Rookie, the Major, the All-Star, and the Benchwarmer, each one of which has their own set of dating philosophies and principles.

Prize – The second essential of modern dating is to ascertain the prize and decide if it’s something that you really want. What are the prizes? What is your goal or endgame? Do you want meaningless sex or do you want a meaningful relationship? What kind of relationship do you want? These are important questions to ask yourself because your answer will determine how you approach your desired relationship. As long as you remain unsure of what kind of relationship you seek, you’ll have a hard time getting the relationship you want.

Playbook – The third essential of modern dating is to write the playbook and create your own dating roadmap to success. How do you win? Do you have a game plan? What are you going to do that will help you obtain your treasured prize, otherwise known as your relationship of choice? This is the part of the dating game that makes it fun. Will there be adventure and excitement? Absolutely. Will there be heartbreak and rejection? You betcha. Yet through trial and error, we have the ability to become the deliberate creators of our dating experience. We live, we date, and then we learn; it’s as simple as that.

Modern dating is far more than a game with winners and losers. It’s an adventure that can lead us to greater self-discovery and understanding of what we want for our lives. If dating is a game and love is the prize, then be in it to win it because every new game is a new opportunity to win what your heart desires most.

Copyright © Niki Payne/2013 Singular Communications, LLC.

Niki PayneSingularCity member Niki Payne is an aspiring author and motivational speaker for young women. As a dating and relationship writer, she offers unique insights that aim to challenge existing relationship paradigms. She has a deep passion for helping her fellow singulars make peace with single life while making better relationship decisions. You can visit her website at
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