Is love wasted on the young? Dating Coach Bobbi Palmer has relationship tips for single women over 40.
Many single people are happy in their singleness. Some are so happily single that they have no intention of ever getting married. Some are single just for now — maybe they’re between relationships, regrouping after a divorce, or just taking a break from the romantic rat race.
But for those who are actively seeking a long term committed relationship that will lead to marriage, I have some really good news: being single and over 40 sets you up perfectly to find the relationship of your dreams.
If you believe your already good life would be even better with the right life partner, then I suggest you keep an open mind and heart … and keep your eyes on the prize. Because love in your 40s, 50s and beyond can be particularly sweet. Here’s why:
1. You’re a grownup now.
Experience has taught you that being right is not as important as being happy. You no longer have to cater to others 24/7, you know who your friends are and aren’t and — hallelujah — you no longer have to be perfect or prove anything to anyone.
The pressure of having to look for and live out the romantic notions and expectations of your younger years are long gone. Maybe you’ve gone after that fantasy in the past, but now you are quite fine with reality. That, on top of trusting your own judgment and abilities, sets you up to be a spectacular partner; and to pick one. Now you crave and are ready for grownup love.
2. Men and women can meet halfway.
In middle age our shared experience and shifting hormones can make men and women more compatible than ever before. Gail Sheehy, the spectacular author and expert in aging well, contends that middle age is an opportunity for women to enjoy “postmenopausal zest” and for men to explore “serene potency.”
Our brain biochemistry is rebalancing estrogen and testosterone. Men relax and become more comfortable with their feminine side and women often seek fulfillment in their lives from a sense of mastery. It’s a wonderful opportunity for men and women to move closer together. If you are looking for love at this time in your life, you can enjoy compatibility with the opposite sex like you never have before.
3. You’re happy and complete.
Later in life you have more time, more autonomy and more resources. You have interests and endeavors you love and things you’ve mastered. Sharing these brings joy to both you and your partner. Friends, family and colleagues provide you a feeling of well-being and a good support system. You know how to take care of yourself and how to create your own happiness.
This life you’ve created for yourself takes pressure off of a relationship. When both people know they can get most of their needs met on their own, they are freer to enjoy one another. Not many 25-year-olds can say that.
4. You’ve slain dragons.
You’ve had a full life. You’ve accomplished a lot; you’ve probably lost a lot too. And mortality may be staring you in the face. Parents are getting sick and passing on. Peers are dealing with aging and debilities. You know that bad things happen and sometimes, bad things happen to you.
You savor your days and the happiness and love that comes your way … and you don’t sweat the small stuff. When it comes to relationships, there is no more arguing over dirty socks on the floor. You know not to bother. With this well-earned midlife peace and perspective, love is certainly lovelier.
Copyright © Bobbi Palmer/2012 Singular Communications, LLC.