Men and cuddling

Men and Cuddling


One of the first things men learn about women is that they like to cuddle — but what women don’t understand is how men feel about cuddling with them.

Men and cuddling
Gennadiy Iotkovskiy / 123RF Stock Photo

Men know perfectly well that cuddling is something all women want to do− pre-sex, post-sex, no sex − women are always up for a good cuddle.

As a man, I understand the appeal. It’s warm, comforting, loving. It’s an intrinsic human connection that is both physical and emotional. In its basic nature, it’s rather innocent.

I even know a woman in Los Angeles who throws cuddle parties in her home for people who lack intimacy in their lives or just want to feel connected to another human being. I get it.

But women should also be very aware of how men think about cuddling, because it’s quite different from the female perspective. And when I say “how men think” what I really mean is, how ALL men think.

To a heterosexual man, the cuddle can be all of the things I just described above, but it’s also a gateway to sex. Check that. It’s ALWAYS a gateway to sex.

I’m not saying we only cuddle in hope of sex, what I’m saying is, if we cuddle with you, we are going to want sex. That is a natural response from a normal heterosexual man. And no man should ever have to apologize for wanting more than just a cuddle from an attractive woman. Any physical contact with a woman we find attractive is going to arouse us. We’re that easy. Like it or not, it’s how we’re wired. This goes for dirty dancing too. And our sensational response to that kind of physical contact needs to be respected.

I know what you’re thinking too. What about when we cuddle with women we’re not attracted to? Easy. We never do that. We’re only cuddling, giving neck and back massages, and rubbing feet with women we’re attracted to. Any man who discounts this practice is one of two things: Gay or dishonest.

I recently told a woman that I couldn’t cuddle with her because I knew we weren’t going to have sex, so why would I tease, torture and frustrate myself. That’s exactly what would have happened. She was sad to hear it and couldn’t quite understand why “cuddling” was such a big deal. And why couldn’t I just enjoy it for simply what it was?

The reason we can’t enjoy the cuddle for cuddle sake is because men are extreme sexual beings, much more so than women. This doesn’t make us dirty dogs or sexual deviants. In fact, what it makes us perfectly healthy men. Or perhaps, we’re just not as “evolved” as women. I’m willing to acknowledge women can departmentalize and separate sex from every other activity that isn’t sex.  It’s really is an amazing skill. Men cannot do this.

We’re always thinking about it or have the instant capacity to think of it, no matter how presently removed we may be from a sexual situation. Nothing can stop the thoughts from entering our mind. We could be cleaning dog poop off our shoes and a pretty woman could appear in our line of sight and we’ll think about sex. Bad example. Okay, so maybe we are a bit of a collective dirty dog but it’s just the way it is.

Personally, I’m highly indifferent toward sex. However, if an attractive woman’s body is being pressed up against mine I’m automatically going to start thinking about sex. Men are not built with the on/off switch that women possess. We can’t just “shut it down” or turn away a pending orgasm. Yes, we may have emotional, physical issues that prevent us from performing, but no man will just decide to stop when he’s actively engaged in the process.

If we shut it down it’s only because you’re yelling “STOP!” or we suddenly don’t want to cheat on our partner, if we have one.  Those are about the only two explanations for not “finishing.”  In every other case there’s no stop sign ahead for us. Our light is always set to green.

Marijuana is commonly referred to as a gateway drug by its opponents. Well, to men, cuddling is our “gateway drug” to the land of hope, dreams and … nakedness.

Copyright © The Naked Truther / 2016 Singular Communications, LLC.

“The Naked Truther” is an anonymous blogger who claims to provide the naked truth about how men feel and think about women. You can read more from the “Truther” by visiting

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15 thoughts on “Men and Cuddling

  1. This article is right on the money/\$$
    I don’t mind cuddling once in a while but only reason I do it is because I’m hoping I’m gonna get laid Xxxx. I am happily married a past nine years but I don’t have the balls to tell my woman that I am not your pillow because I want to be a pillow I am being your pillow for one thing ONLY…
    cuddling is it waste of time if it don’t lead to other things.
    . [ I guess she never understand, honestly it is torture, to lay next to my beautiful woman but it’s not leading to anything and he falls asleep in like 10 minutes and she hate to do anything at night while she sleep she turns into a fire breathing dragon ].
    ( my simple solution is to sleep in a separate room and I don’t even worry about stress for not getting laid so I can stop trying to bone her like alllllll night …. ).

    Men simple = yes or no (emotions are weakness) doit now
    Woman unknown= why, …?, maybe, don’t know, (emotions are life) do when the weather is good.

  2. I wish it was the case with me and my husband. He loves cuddling way more than sex and I want to have sex if he is nearby or wants to cuddle. It is so frustrating. We used to have sex more than 5 times a day. And now that we have more affection between us he seems to want to cuddle with me the entire day. ☹️


    As a male who enjoys a healthy dose of cuddling, and does not see cuddling as a gateway to sex (as “all men” do according to the author), I would like to explain why this article is actually encouraging a prominent social problem.

    Before I explain the problem, I need to give background on the two causes.

    Firstly, our society doesn’t welcome physical closeness between male friends as much as female friends. This is in part due to our definition of masculinity and stigmas about homosexuality. Women feel much more comfortable exchanging even the most basic forms of physical affection (arm over shoulder, hugs, etc). This is not something commonly seen in men anymore (I stress “anymore” – it wasn’t always this way).

    There is also a dangerous and prominent mindset that men are always set on sex, even when they are receiving the most basic forms of physical affection. I call this mindset dangerous because all humans need physical affection to be mentally healthy.

    The result of these two things is that men have no outlet for physical affection unless they have a sexual partner. This is not healthy, and in my mind is an important social problem.

    In the author’s attempt to tell women to beware of men set on sex, he is encouraging the very mindset which causes this problem.

  4. I think even a younger female would be naive to think a man ONLY wants to “cuddle”. As a woman, if I “cuddle” with a guy I expect and want sex 98% of the time. Maybe I am weird.

    1. This is not true not all girls or women for that matter think that cuddling means more than cuddling. If a man tells me today that he wants to just cuddle, that is exactly what I am thinking he means. If he means more he needs to say so so I can answer his request appropriately.

  5. HAHAHA… are you one of the women who bitches about the court system being too lenient on the guys accused of rape and assault… OR one of the women who thinks the girls who feel violated, probably knew better than to engage in whatever caused it to happen in the first place?

  6. I think there’s an element of truth in what The Naked Truther is saying, but by-and-large, I think it’s a huge oversimplification.

    Men DO like to cuddle! And it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex.
    However, I think in most cases, we want to cuddle with women we feel at least some passive desire for. For example, no matter how much we love her, I don’t think most men would feel comfortable canoodling with Grandma! That’d just be weird!

    Men desire intimacy, that’s for sure, and that doesn’t necessarily always translate to sex. But a lot of times, it does. It just depends. For pre-pubescent boys, cuddling is enjoyed with no sexual overtones. But once a guy hits puberty, there is usually some passive sexual component to cuddling. But I’m sure that’s true for women as well. You probably don’t especially fancy the idea of spooning with Grandpa!

  7. Loooool this could be true for SOME men, but not all men. My boyfriend (we havent had sex yet) likes to cuddle with me, even if he knows he isnt getting any lol sometimes cuddling is good enough for men :)

    1. Lol. A man wanting to have sex with a woman is a natural human reaction when a man is attracted to a woman. Your boyfriend is very fond of you I’m sure.. Don’t take this the Wrong way but he’s gonna love every route of physical contact with you especially of u haven’t had sex. I mean we get to sex eventually through these types of interactions

      1. Lol so true I do everything I can to get some . Become super nice is caring loving talking nicely dude is the crap that we constantly have to do so we can keep a woman happy so when the right time (wind 45* north and almost full moon) comes when she’s ready to Give herself. Is the good drug we know we need it so we just trying to make sure it’s safe….

  8. Agree with the commenters. I absolutely enjoy simply cuddling and if we get carried away in the moment and it leads to sex that’s fine but it doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy cuddling for it’s own sake. I have even sometimes asked if we can leave out the sex on occasion just to be clear about it not always having to go all the way! This article clearly is from a very skewed perspective and is possibly damaging to gender relations.

  9. To say that no man has control is an insult and not true. The way this guy talks I wonder if he is even a man.
    I like to cuddle just to be close and I like intimacy and I don’t always need to have sex just because I get aroused at that time.
    Men that I know of can easily control the urge for sex because if they didn’t they would be doing it all day long so it doesn’t even make sense to say we can’t turn it on or off.
    I can remember more than once I have given neck or shoulder rubs to women I was not attracted to.
    Too much of what is online now is such garbage. It is too bad because some people who don’t know the difference may start to actually believe it.
    I actually wonder if the author was trying to impress something on someone?

  10. totally agree with Rob
    And how can this blogger write for ” ALL men”, as he claims, people are different and not all women like to cuddle by the way. Also, who said that women are Less sexual than men? that is very old believe……
    and as Mark said, he has no research or data or examples to prove his “points”
    I find his article empty .

  11. I disagree, I am a very sexual man, and not lacking the opportunity for intimacy with women. That being said I like cuddling, for cuddling sake. Dirty dancing is an entirely different matter there is usually alcohol involved and completely different movements that are sexual in nature. There is no data to support what this blogger has said, it merely is a twisted viewpoint making the rest of us men look bad. He is probably just out of puberty.

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