Living the Single Life
Single people are the fastest growing demographic in the world. So shake off those tired old stereotypes and raise the flag: being single really can be better!
When I was in my early 30s, I met a dashing Englishman. He asked me to marry him after four months of dating. When I expressed my concern about his early proposal to my best girlfriend, who was in a miserable marriage, she said, “Do it! You don’t want to turn 35 and still be single, do you?” So I married Philip and, by 35, I was divorced.
After that, I had several relationships — some lasting as long as a few years, others a few months — and the one thing they all had in common was that my choices were driven by the idea that married was good and single was bad. Romance and passion played only a minor role. It was all about landing a good catch and getting un-single as soon as possible.
But that all changed about six years ago in an “Ah ha!” moment — unexpected and unsought — that rocked my perception of romantic relationships and ultimately led me to create Singular magazine.
It happened one evening as I quietly observed some of my friends talking about dating. There were twelve of us there, four were married. One by one, the single folks tried to explain to the married ones why they were still single and what they were doing to resolve the problem — the “being single” problem.
Even my friend Eric, who’d been in a ten-year relationship with a woman who lived three blocks away from him, was asked, “So why don’t you move in together? Why don’t you get married?” I watched Eric fumble for a politically correct response before he finally said, “We like it this way.”
Seeing his discomfort and then hearing the conviction of his answer, I suddenly realized, “Hey, I like it this way too! Why do I feel like I have to change in order to make these people (and society) happy? Why do I have to provide explanations as to why I’m single? I like my life. I have amazing friends. I’m involved in my community and have the career of my dreams. I love my alone time — to read, write, meditate and be me without compromise. I don’t need a significant other to feel complete, so why do I keep telling myself (and others) that I do? This is crazy!”
And yes, I love men, I love romance, I love intimacy — but it’s so much better now that I’ve banished the marriage agenda that used to tag along on every romantic adventure. You know what I’m talking about: the agenda that includes the question, “Where is this relationship going?” and a lot of pressure to change and compromise who you really are in order to meet someone else’s expectations.
Now, I’m not against the idea of marriage. I might even do it again someday. But if I do, it will be because I want to, not because I feel I have to. And it will happen only if it makes sense for both of us, him and me, and if together, we can encourage and empower each other to reach our full potential as individuals. It won’t happen because we’re needy, afraid of being alone or feel like half of a whole.
So if you can identify with me, if you’re comfortable being single (or would like to discover if that’s possible), if you enjoy an active, social lifestyle — if you enjoy romance, travel and adventure — Singular magazine and its affiliated social networking community SingularCity are for you.
Together we single people are changing the way the world perceives us – and together we’ve become the fastest growing demographic in the world. So shake off those tired old stereotypes, because it’s true: being single really can be better!
Copyright © Kim Calvert / 2013 Singular Communications, LLC.