Editor's Blog

Living the Single Life

June 3, 2013
By Kim Calvert

Single people are the fastest growing demographic in the world. So shake off those tired old stereotypes and raise the flag: being single really can be better!

Living the Single Life

Me, enjoying a fabulous trip sans “significant other” at the
Red Mountain Resort in Utah.

When I was in my early 30s, I met a dashing Englishman. He asked me to marry him after four months of dating. When I expressed my concern about his early proposal to my best girlfriend, who was in a miserable marriage, she said, “Do it! You don’t want to turn 35 and still be single, do you?” So I married Philip  and, by 35, I was divorced.

After that, I had several relationships — some lasting as long as a few years, others a few months — and the one thing they all had in common was that my choices were driven by the idea that married was good and single was bad. Romance and passion played only a minor role. It was all about landing a good catch and getting un-single as soon as possible.

But that all changed about six years ago in an “Ah ha!” moment — unexpected and unsought — that rocked my perception of romantic relationships and ultimately led me to create Singular magazine.

It happened one evening as I quietly observed some of my friends talking about dating. There were twelve of us there, four were married. One by one, the single folks tried to explain to the married ones why they were still single and what they were doing to resolve the problem — the “being single” problem.

Even my friend Eric, who’d been in a ten-year relationship with a woman who lived three blocks away from him, was asked, “So  why don’t you move in together? Why don’t you get married?”  I watched Eric fumble for a politically correct response before he finally said, “We like it this way.”

Seeing his discomfort and then hearing the conviction of his answer, I suddenly realized, “Hey, I like it this way too! Why do I feel like I have to change in order to make these people (and society) happy? Why do I have to provide explanations as to why I’m single?  I like my life. I have amazing friends. I’m involved in my community and have the career of my dreams. I love my alone time — to read, write, meditate and be me without compromise. I don’t need a significant other to feel complete, so why do I keep telling myself (and others) that I do? This is crazy!”

And yes, I love men, I love romance, I love intimacy — but it’s so much better now that I’ve banished the marriage agenda that used to tag along on every romantic adventure. You know what I’m talking about: the agenda that includes the question, “Where is this relationship going?” and a lot of pressure to change and compromise who you really are in order to meet someone else’s expectations.

Now, I’m not against the idea of marriage. I might even do it again someday. But if I do, it will be because I want to, not because I feel I have to. And it will happen only if it makes sense for both of us, him and me, and if together, we can encourage and empower each other to reach our full potential as individuals. It won’t happen because we’re needy, afraid of being alone or feel like half of a whole.

So if you can identify with me, if you’re comfortable being single (or would like to discover if that’s possible), if you enjoy an active, social lifestyle — if you enjoy romance, travel and adventure — Singular magazine  and its affiliated social networking community SingularCity are for you.

Together we single people are changing the way the world perceives us – and together we’ve become the fastest growing demographic in the world. So shake off those tired old stereotypes, because it’s true: being single really can be better!

Copyright © Kim Calvert / 2013 Singular Communications, LLC.

Kim CalvertKim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. A single lifestyle expert and an outspoken champion of single people everywhere, Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community. She secures high-profile contributors and is responsible for setting and maintaining the fun, upbeat, inspirational and often humorous tone of Singular, the magazine for successful single living.
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  1. I can remember when I hated being single. I always wanted more, to have someone there who I am supposed to be able to rely on. I learned the hard way that it is better to be single than in a bad marriage.
    The fact is that marriage can take those little differences in opinion or personal ways of doing things and magnify them at least 1000 times. Those little arguments or moments of stress can become huge hurdles and even breakers once you get married.
    You basically have not much time or space for yourself and I feel that is important to a persons happiness.
    I personally now believe that not getting married, instead dating or even just long term relationships is easier on ones nerves. Having your own space and really only answering to yourself about every little decision is actually kind of nice.
    I welcome being single now!

  2. Brad says:

    As I see it, the best reason to be married in today’s world is if you have children. Otherwise, you’re free to remain single and not be ostracized — for the most part. I don’t know the history behind marriage, but I’d guess that its primary purpose was to support the raising of children. Greater financial equality for women has helped to level the playing field, which enables higher quality romantic relationships — IMO.

  3. Christine says:

    Wait a minute, there’s a part of this I’m not understanding–your unhappily married friend told you to marry this guy? Shouldn’t she, of all people, know that marriage alone doesn’t make you happy, if she was unhappy in one? I would have told you to proceed with caution and wait longer than four months! I would like a relationship but, am trying to learn to be content being single. Thanks for creating this site. It helps to have at least one voice out there that doesn’t tell us we’re deficient for being single.

    • Kim says:

      Thanks Christine – and yes, I used to be that person…believing all the propaganda and cultural messaging that said I couldn’t possibly be happy unless i was, at the very least, seriously dating.

  4. Breeze says:

    I can totally relate. It took me until my late 30s to finally realize that there’s nothing wrong with being single — and in fact, I like it!

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