Editor's Blog

Holiday Mate Hunting Season

December 15, 2013
By Kim Calvert

There’s something about December that inspires even the most resolute single woman to polish up the artillery and go in pursuit of the elusive single male.

Holiday Mate Hunting Season

distrikt3 / 123RF Photo

Maybe it’s the holidays, but for some strange reason, I’ve been bumping into a lot of single women who are on the hunt – for a man – and taking it very seriously. Sure, there are the mundane responsibilities of everyday life, but the priority to track him down and tie him up, post-haste, seems to take on a new urgency this time of year. After all, who wants to be single over Christmas or start the new year alone? Or so the thinking goes.

But not just any man will do. Most women in mate-hunting mode want a guy who has “a bit more.” What “more” is depends on the woman, but fundamentally it means more of a reliable source of income, the ability to muster up good table manners when required and limited baggage (ex-wives receiving alimony and children getting child support). After that, it’s simply a matter of chemistry, what stage the moon is in, what kind of day they’ve had, good mood, bad mood or state of inebriation — or simply that it’s the month of December.

But what is so ironic is that mate hunting, especially if there’s even a hint of desperation attached, never works. The old saying that you’ll meet someone when you’re not looking has always been my experience, although it took a couple of decades to learn. If you added up all of the hours I’ve spent going out with an agenda to find him, I could have had three Ph.D.’s by now, while every single long-term relationship was the result of meeting someone when I wasn’t on the hunt.

That hunting ritual began in my 20s and lasted through my 30s. I spent a considerable time at nightclubs, bars, parties — mostly with girlfriends who were also on the hunt — scoping the room for the ever-elusive, long-term relationship boyfriend. Sure I connected with some interesting guys here and there, but I’d have a hard time recalling their names now if you asked me.

On the other hand, I met my ex-husband in the elevator of my office building in Century City. Another long-term relationship resulted from an online dating site, but not like you’d think. I wanted to write a story about how dreadful online dating was and agreed to a date so I could get the relevant material. Instead, I ended up liking the guy and we ended up spending years together.

Another long-term flame boarded his horse where I boarded mine. If you know anything about horses, you know it’s mostly women who have them. The stable was the last place I expected to find a romantic relationship. I’d go to the barn with a ponytail, no makeup and baggy jeans — just the opposite of how I’d look when I was officially on the hunt — yet he and I clicked immediately.

That’s why I stopped looking and stopped working so hard to find him. Sure, I’ll scan the room when I’m out to see who catches my eye, but the expectation that tonight will be the night is gone. These days I just show up for life and let what happens happen. And oddly enough, when I do that, something usually does, even when it doesn’t involve a romantic connection.

Copyright © Kim Calvert/2013 Singular Communications, LLC.

Kim CalvertKim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. A single lifestyle expert and an outspoken champion of single people everywhere, Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community. She secures high-profile contributors and is responsible for setting and maintaining the fun, upbeat, inspirational and often humorous tone of Singular, the magazine for successful single living.

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  1. rande says:

    That is good , be in the moment, and just show up with out want or need for anything but to reward you for being present and loving and watch how it will happen like magic…..
    Happy Holidays to all you single people may you find YOU and then all else will appear

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