Funny how you can wake up one day and realize how much you enjoy being single despite people telling you it just isn’t so.
The other day I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. Of course while catching up, came the question that most single women dread, “So, anything new in your love life?”
I was quite truthful in my response, maybe too much. I told her I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
There was no amount of Botox that could have downplayed her reaction. Shocked. Appalled. Disbelief. You’d think I’d just told her that my BFF was the girl who posts photos of the animals she’s killed on the Internet.
You see, I’m at a point in my life where I’m very comfortable and quite happy being single. Not quite sure why this is such a hard concept for people to grasp. Of course, I totally understand my mother and her generation not getting it. She doesn’t even believe in divorce! But come on, it 2015! There are a lot of us out there; it shouldn’t be such a shock anymore.
I didn’t come to this epiphany in one day, there were some pitfalls and experiences that helped it come to fruition. In fact, it was a long road baby.
I once had the lovely experience of marriage and sharing my life with my best friend. It was awesome. It was amazing. I would hope that everyone finds that kind of happiness one day. However it ended and life moved on.
Then came the phase of, “Oh my God what am I going to do now?” and then slipping into the dating scene and the ever so welcoming, non-competitive world of the singles of Los Angeles, California – yeah, right!
I became the master of online dating and was meeting some very cool people through various sites. I went out with men younger than me, older than me and the same age as me. It was new and exciting! But honestly, at times it was like having another fulltime job. You peruse applications, do introductions, interviews, second interviews … let’s be honest, some never make it past the second text (i.e. dick pics) and you do spend a lot of time filtering out the crazies.
Still, it felt great to get back out there and meet all sorts of new people. Although I admit, I felt pressure to be in a “couple” again — from society, from my parents, from friends and from Facebook. (Oh, like you never looked at a couples profile pic and went “Awwww, wish I had someone to do that with…)
Because I’d lost someone special in my life, I felt like I wasn’t complete. So I searched for “the one.” (Well, since I’d been married, I guess I was technically looking for “the actual one.”) This search quickly became a cycle of I hate men, what-is-wrong-with-me, why am I so ugly, there are no good guys left, and rolling my eyes at those “cute couples” profile pics.
I knew I needed to take a break. During this “social hiatus” I was able to take the time to reflect upon my life and I discovered a few things: I do not hate men, I’m not unattractive and I actually like my own company (being an only child helps). Furthermore, I’m not lonely. I don’t need another person to make me feel complete. I love doing whatever I want, whenever I want. Change of plans and taking the day as it comes … awesome!
Then suddenly, it hit me, I really liked being single … and that was OK! Enjoying (dare I say) living life as it’s thrown at you, one day at a time, with no pressure to find that one perfect mate? Pretty damn amazing. It felt like crisp oxygen filling your lungs as you triumphantly reach that mountain peak after a long hike. (I’m only guessing because I don’t actually hike but I hear it’s great.)
This way of thinking is a tough path to follow. I feel that society is still set up to favor the coupled-with-kids way of life and shames those of us who choose not to. But as there are more of us choosing the single life, I do hope things will change.
Of course there are some things I miss and I’m certainly not against marriage or finding “the one.” I’m quite the romantic actually. But when Prince Charming (Thor in my case) doesn’t text you back, a girl’s gotta get on her own horse and ride off into that sunset to make her own happily ever after: in Italy, Paris, or where ever you want to go, baby. The world is your red velvet cupcake. Enjoy it.
Copyright © 2015 Cathy Zukimoto /Singular Communications, LLC