A 96-year-old grandmother offered some candid insight when I interviewed her about dating and love for my documentary, 20 Questions.
A while back, I sat down with a still, very much “with it” 96-year-old grandmother for my 20 Questions documentary — my film project where I interview 20 different women, from all backgrounds and ages, with the same 20 questions. We spent nearly three hours talking about men, women, love and life. At the end of our time together, I told her that she should be teaching seminars and that if more women were like her, the world would be a better place.
I wasn’t surprised when she said that other people have said similar things after visiting with her. She’s remarkable for both her spirit and the thoughts in her heart. I’d like to share with you what this woman, who loved the same man for 70 years (he passed away 9 years ago) thinks about love and dating in 2015.
“Women are oversexed.” At first, I thought she was talking about men because most women say that we men are the ones who crave and need sex all the time. Well, we do … but she says women are the ones who are actually obsessed with sex. Her observations come from what she’s heard and witnessed from her many younger female friends who are active in the dating scene. By younger, I mean more than half her age. It made me wonder if the reason women make men feel like we’re the bad ones is because they’re attempting to deflect their own incredibly high drive.
“Women shouldn’t be dependent on a man.” This proud lady worked in a department store long before women did anything but cook, clean and have babies. She can’t understand why women today still want a man who will take care of them. She proclaimed how women today have advanced socially, politically and economically — compared to her day — so there’s no good reason to still behave like they can’t take of themselves. And here’s the kicker: she didn’t work for the money. She worked as a salesperson because she got pleasure in helping customers buy something that made them happy. That’s why she liked to work. How wonderful is that?
“Women should never date someone they don’t find attractive.”When I told her some women do this very thing … including a few that ended up marrying men they weren’t attracted to physically, her response was, “Not for me. I couldn’t do it. Why waste your time? Dating is hard enough without having to wonder when and if you’re finally going to be attracted to him.” Then she asked, “Why would a woman go out with someone in the first place if she doesn’t like him?”
I told her what women have told me, “For a free meal.” She thought that was pathetic.
“A woman’s best quality should be her compassion and love.”She said this applies for men too and to listen to what’s in your heart and not anyone else’s. She claimed she never took advice from others when it came to a man. “Only you know what you want and what’s good for you,” she said. “Trust yourself more.”
“Poop or get off the pot.” This goes for both men and women. Don’t be a wuss. If you like, someone tell them. What’s with the waiting? And don’t worry about how they’re going to react. You have to do what makes you feel good. Even if that means showing up without calling like she did with her eventual husband. They hadn’t spoken for a year because he broke up with her after she lied to him. She knew she was wrong and wanted to make amends. She needed to follow her heart. She knew what she was doing. They remained together for 70 years.
Copyright © Steve Matoren/2015 Singular Communications, LLC.