It’s not about settling — it’s about realizing the “perfect one” might not be the right one for you.
Life seems to follow certain patterns across a wide variety of situations — if only we would take the time to notice — as I did after a recent adventure to a doggy birthday party that reminded me of my dating life.
I can’t tell you how many times over my single years I’ve participated in something my girlfriends and I call “getting ready.” That two-word term describes the process of getting primped, made up, done up and dressed up for a night out where the goal was to meet HIM, “the one.”
Such hope and energy all focused on the perfect hair, makeup and outfit needed to find the perfect man, the one I created a list of attributes for: the must-haves and the can’t-stands. With that mental list in mind, I ventured out to an endless stream of parties, bars, restaurants, happy hours, sporting events and other activities where “he” was waiting to be discovered by me, his perfect “her.”
Seriously, there must have been hundreds of such adventures and I never found “him” at any of them. In fact, I met my ex-husband in an office building elevator in Century City.
So back to the doggy birthday party. I didn’t go because I have a dog, wanted a dog or have an interest in such gatherings. I went to support a friend who was hosting the event. I recalled seeing that among the guests would be a pet rescue organization with dogs in need of new homes, but I noticed this only in passing.
When I arrived at the Zoom Room Doggy Disco (yes, really!) the rescue organization at the party was none other than our own SingularCity member Marie Atake’s Forte Animal Rescue, and with her were three Chihuahuas that had been dumped at a veterinary hospital in Culver City.
Now, just like with my perfect man list, I have the perfect dog list — not a list that had been taken out of my mental filing cabinet for a long time, but there nonetheless with such things as the specific breed (a handsome Irish setter), size (tall) and temperament (dashing and debonair).
To make a long story short, I ended up taking all three Chihuahuas home to foster and now I’m adopting the white one with the enormous ears and the eye condition that needs medication three times a day for the rest of her life.
So just like my plan to find the perfect man, my perfect dog plan didn’t happen either, at least on the surface, because the truth is, what I thought was the perfect dog wasn’t really the right dog for me. The dog I fell in love with is very different from the flashy setter I thought I wanted, but I adore her completely and I’ve discovered that she gives me exactly the kind of canine companionship I need. That makes little Luna the right dog for me.
Funny how the ones (I’m talking men now) who looked perfect, with their money, power and prestige ended up not being the right men for me (which is not to say some of them weren’t right for someone else). I’m too independent, perhaps too “singular” in my perspectives. They were the types that would never have allowed me to reach my full potential. Try making your own dreams come true when you’re in a romantic relationship with a man who may have a $140,000 Mercedes but never listens to anything you have to say.
It just goes to show that no matter how hard you try to find your flawless mate, it’s love that finds you, not the other way around. That’s why there’s no point in working so hard to find it. Things work out just the way they should when you simply show up for your singular life and enjoy it without putting yourself under the pressure to find the perfect him or her.
Love, whether for a moment or a lifetime, will find you when your heart least expects it. Just be ready to recognize it because it might not show up in the package you expected.
Copyright © Kim Calvert/2011 Singular Communications, LLC.