Faking It


I was out for drinks with a few friends the other night, when after a long conversation about sex, one of my male friends made this statement: “I have never had a girl fake it with me.”

Sally  (Meg Ryan) shows Harry (Billy Crystal) how it’s done in the 1977 hit movie, “When Harry Met Sally.” 

Wow, with such assurance, said the king. After bowing down to him, I knew right then and there, that this needed to be cleared up once and for all.

This is a warning. Before you read on: If you are my grandmother, earmuffs please … if you work with me, definite earmuffs, and if you are a prude, then stop reading.

I am going to start with a little pre-sex dating scenario as a warm-up to my call-to-action. And it goes a lil’ somethin’ like this … ugh (I literally just did the running man):

Okay so you’re pretty sure that you’re ready. Whether you’ve been dating a week or 6 months, you’ve managed to squeeze yourself in for a “just in case” Brazilian before your date. So, in other words, you’re ready to play a little “Dip the Beak.”

Of course you’ve decided to have a “low-key night” and just “rent a movie or something” (because neither of you have any idea what that means). The movie’s been on for 20 minutes, yet you can’t even remember the title, because you’re completely consumed by the approaching moment.

So flash forward through eight minutes of “accidental” elbow touching, arm tickling and eventually, “I’m cold, do you want a blanket?” (even though its summer and you have no air conditioning).

It’s been about 2-40 minutes (depending on the guy). Your hips are hurting, you have rug burn on your knees, and you’re pretty sure you’re over it (it’s just not gonna happen on your end). So what to do?

You tell him you’re “there,” throw in a few extra grunts, shout out his name and “$%# me!” on repeat (wow, that was vulgar!).

Done and done. Harmless … right?

Maybe not. What do we have left after pretending to have had the best ride of our life?

Nothing but a man with a blown out ego.

Why do we feel it is our duty to protect that ego? Because, we’re worried we might lose him? Or maybe we don’t want to make him feel any less of a man. Why are we so damn selfless and submissive?

This, is a problem. And for all the men who read this blog, you’re not as good as you think (well most of you aren’t, minus one or two). We just feel bad telling you the truth. For all you women who perpetuate this nonsense, you’re just as bad.

Over 70 percent of women fake orgasms. And 96 percent of men don’t care. No, I didn’t make that up. Cosmo said it was true … so it’s true.

So where do we go from here? We go to a place not often visited by a woman … the land of complete and utter honesty. Speak your mind, and tell him what you like. And if you didn’t “go” then tell him the truth. It’s okay to be a little selfish when it comes to your pleasure palace. ‘Cause if he’s the right guy, then he’ll want you to feel good too.

So this is a call, to ALL women to stop faking. Together we can stop the Male Ego Inflation Crisis (MEIC, yes I made that up), and turn the tables. For once, maybe they’ll be the ones who will feel a litte insecure.

I’ll leave you with the final question my “sex god” of a friend asked me that night:

“Why would she fake it? What would any woman possibly have to gain by faking it?”

And my answer…


Cara Adelman
 Cara Adelman is singular woman living and blogging in Los Angeles.

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