Dating and finding a long term relationship or even marriage is supposed to be the plan, but how often do we end up realizing it’s better to be single?
Nicoleta Ifrim-Ionescu / 123RF Photo
Let’s be honest. Who among us hasn’t experienced dates from hell … or worse, relationships that make Al and Peg Bundy look like the Prince Charming and Snow White? I could tell you that “love” is much like a state of insanity where otherwise competent adults lose their minds when they’re “crushing.” Of course, some are more “crushing” than others. Dare we look? You may need a shot of Maalox – or tequila.
BAD VIBES OVER VIPERESS
Dear Marnie: I’m a 26-year-old male in love with a 40-year-old-woman who is twice divorced and has two boys, 10 and 13. Last Friday night, she wanted me to watch the boys and didn’t come home until Sunday morning. She didn’t call, and her excuse was that she went out to sing karaoke and lost her cell phone. She’s done flakey things like this before. My question is, should I confront her and ask if she is cheating on me? I don’t have any proof, but my instincts tell me that she is. — Bad Vibes
MARNIE SAYS: Whoa! That’s some song she was singing. Forgive me, but you’ve become the flunky of a female who’s got you so flamboozled she could wave her scanties in public and tell you she was drying her laundry. Worse, you’d believe her.
Getting It! Your Personal Strategy:
* Kiddo, you’re so far past “confrontation” even the vultures have vamoosed. Get it!
* Call a responsible relative of hers (if there is one). Discuss reporting this inane, irresponsible songbird to your local child protective services. Her wings need clipping. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, do it. A mom who disappears for days without calling in is not only neglectful, but, my guess is, she’s buzzed, stoned and anti-freezed. The situation needs to be looked into by authorities.
* Once the kids are covered, painful as it may be, break it off and run away from her clawing soul as fast as your Nikes can carry you.
* On the way, find a counselor who will improve your instinct when choosing romantic relationships. You’re working off some childhood issues that are mucking up your radar, leading you into foul territory and compromising a marvelous future.
You want the next lady in your life to sing you a few choruses of “Everything’s Coming up Roses” instead of “What Kind of Fool Am I?”
BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS CLANGING
Dear Marnie: I’ve been thinking of having a baby, as I’m 36, and I feel my biological clock is ticking. I think I love the guy I’ve been dating and we often spend the night together. I’m thinking that he could be my last chance to have a child. He is smart, funny and has a good job. But here’s the bigger issue, he’s bisexual. We live in an accepting world these days, but I’m concerned that our child would grow up in an unstable home with lots of mixed messages. He has a very complicated life and he doesn’t want to change. What should I do? — Confused in California
MARNIE SAYS: I don’t care if your biological clock sounds like Big Ben chiming at midnight, it doesn’t change the sorry fact that this plan of yours is so unbaked, it could double for Playdough.
Getting It! Your Personal Strategy:
* Repeat after Marnie: “Politically correct is not a factor in baby making.” Quit rationalizing, OK? If you see a baby with an involved father as part of your future, you need a timely plan that doesn’t require trading in your common sense.
* Let’s look at yours. Lay out on paper those emotional and practical issues you feel are essentials before a baby comes wailing into your world. This is not about creating perfection. There is no such thing. We’re talking about basics here. You’ve already started your list. Stability. Trust. Acceptance. A reliable daddy. Keep going. These are your bottom lines.
* How does your list match up with your mate? Get it! If you can’t accept or trust the fellow, then whether he’s bilingual, bisexual or bicarbonate of soda he’s out. Period.
* Change the plan. Here it is: Go find someone you can accept. Someone you can trust. (Or, decide to single parent it.)
You can’t have it both ways. Shortcuts work for no bake cake recipes, not babies. Isn’t there enough for the wee ones to wail about without setting up doom, eyes wide shut, before they cut a baby tooth?
READY TO WALK
Dear Marnie: I’ve been dating this man for several months who has been living with his sister, a fraternal twin, for the past eight years. They’ve done everything together and neither has dated much. Now that I’m in the picture she’s causing problems. She does not like me, is rude and interfering. The worst part is that he caters to her feelings and ignores mine! If we make plans and she wants to do something with him, she is in and I am out! On weekends I sit home while they are out having a good time. I love him and he tells me he feels the same. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m almost ready to walk. What do you think? — Fed Up
MARNIE SAYS: Oy vey! Darling, sweetie … unless sis is holding the missing portion of the family will, these two sound so dysfunctional, they make Romulus and Remus look like the Bobbsey Twins. When sibs are wrapped around each other tighter than a cherry Twizzler, “walking” is too slow. I suggest you take off like the Roadrunner. There’s no room for a visitor in the middle of this Freudian slip.
Copyright © Marnie Macauley / 2015 Singular Communications, LLC