Cybersex and the Difference Between Men and Women


What guys find sexy isn’t always so sexy to gals — but how did the difference between us get so far out of hand?

Congressman Anthony Weiner thought it was a good idea at the time.
Congressman Anthony Weiner thought it was a good idea at the time.

If someone told you last month that a married congressman with the last name of Weiner would be busted for tweeting a photo of his “namesake” to a woman he was “sexting” you’d think it was a joke. Well, it just goes to show that fact is stranger than fiction. The humiliated Democrat from New York has finally confessed that the offending photo was indeed of his body part. Was anyone surprised ― except perhaps his wife?

Sure, it’s tacky, not to mention a bit embarrassing for our country to have yet another leader committing a gaffe for the world to laugh at. But what bewilders me the most is how so many guys think this kind of photo will send a woman into “gotta have it now” sexual excitement. Talk about a major difference between the male and female gender!

Hey, it’s not just me. A new survey of more than 5,000 people from dating site Zoosk shows women aren’t as excited as men think they are about receiving those naughty photos. The poll, conducted to uncover how singles feel about getting personal X-rated photos over the Internet, revealed that 61 percent of the women think it would be “creepy” to receive a lewd photo from a guy. On the other hand, 74 percent of the guys surveyed say they would find it “sexy” to receive a sexually explicit photo from a woman.

Not too long ago, a single girlfriend of mine told me about a guy she briefly dated and then decided to drop. He responded by sending her his own “Weiner” photo, confident that once she saw it she would reconsider. Wrong! If anything, she was horrified and completely convinced she’d made the right decision. And wasn’t there more than just one famous football player who did the same thing, with the same negative result? Which also reminds me of a former long-term boyfriend ― he thought all he had to do was wave his flagpole in the breeze and I’d swoon with delight.

Aside from the fact that erotic triggers for men and erotic stimuli for women are not often the same (something I presumed we adults knew by now), I think the disconnect between the sexes is the result of an abundance of readily available pornography, aided and abetted by male wishful thinking.

Made with the male consumer in mind, pornography features actresses who portray women ready to assume the position at the very sight of a man’s private parts ― no further effort required. Where else do men get the idea that women have that kind of reaction to a penis? So to all the guys who think women are anxiously awaiting your “Weiner” photo, here’s a tip: don’t do it.

The women you see in porno flicks are not like women in real life. It would be both a time and energy saver if real women were so generously accommodating ― but they’re not. If you want to get us in the mood, offer a relaxing neck massage and slowly turn up the heat. But please, no photos of your little friend, no matter how good-looking you think he is.

Copyright © Kim Calvert/2011 Singular Communications, LLC.

Kim CalvertKim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. An outspoken champion of people who are living their lives as a “me” instead of a “we,” Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community. She secures contributors and is responsible for maintaining the fun, upbeat, inspirational and often-humorous tone of Singular, a lifestyle guide for successful single living.

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