Thank you for your comments. They are well thought-out and very accurate. In fact, they match my research exactly save for one point; it’s also true in most other parts of the world – not just here in Los Angeles. And, it’s getting worse, not better.

I’ve actually had men that were dumped because of something they did or said in their partner’s dreams! No, I’m not kidding.

Best regards…

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publisher of “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I & II”
Producer of “BAM! TV”

I had a friend whose girlfriend left him in Europe to go home (on a trip she paid for a large part of) one night, for a just a glance he gave her at dinner. He didn’t even know what the “glance” was. I’ve had one or two women vanish over something they thought I had said, only to find out weeks later that I had meant something else entirely…and what I had said was actually indeed true.

As a guy here, you lose 3 ways with that: you didn’t know you had said something that was taken a different way, you were never asked to at least take a shot at clarifying, because they already have moved on…and then 3 months later when they maybe find out differently about you…they’ve already shoved you into the ‘Friend’ box (or worse), and you don’t get the girl you thought you wanted to begin with. Over & out.

Also, I think women view this emotionally, and so much of this doesn’t matter to a lot of them. From what I see, a lot of them get asked out almost constantly, and so with a never-ending parade of guys to follow, what do they care? (Maybe I wouldn’t either!)

Obviously the ladies out there might have a different view on this, and I’m not writing to start a ‘bitch session’ among the genders. Not at all. But it’s no wonder the Single Life continues for many, no matter which side you are on here.

Here’s the reality: no man is able to connect with a woman emotionally until AFTER we’ve had sex with her. We all learn the right things to say and how to act, etc., in order to get up to and past that milestone, but get past it, we must.

This isn’t my rule, but the way – it was here long before I arrived. This is nature’s way of insuring that we get a new generation – and a new one after that. You see, love, while a fine and lofty notion isn’t necessary for a species to survive or thrive. Sex is.

One more important key: men have a built-in “shelf life” or “window of opportunity”.

The instant we meet a woman, the clock begins ticking. There’s no standard by how long that timer is set by the way – it’s different for every man. However, when the bell rings, we’ll still sleep with a woman, but she’ll never again have access to his heart. This is why we feel compelled to push for sex – to get past it so that we can attempt to have more than that with a woman.

Think back on some of the guys you’ve been with. Have you never noticed how they change right after sex? They often get fun, playful, connected and yes, sometimes sleepy too but there is an obvious change in that man. Why? Simple: once we get sex out of the way, our minds can focus on other (more important) things like whether or not we can connect with her long-term.

We’ve all heard the sad tale of the girl that held a guy off for weeks or months only to finally have sex with him and then to never hear from him again, right? Most women (and a few men!) actually think that the guy invested all that time and energy just to get into bed with her. Not so. The far more likely reality was that after sex, he finally was able to see he couldn’t connect with her the way he wanted so he ended things to continue the search for the girl he COULD have that with!

Also, according to my research, and a number of other researchers around the world, in the majority of long-term relationships (over 10 years) the couple had sex within the first 3 dates? Add to this the fact that a couple that has a great relationship but a lousy (or non-existent) sex life almost always break up. Take the same couple with a fantastic sex life, but a lousy relationship and they find a way to stay together.

The reason why men are dropping women so quickly is that they’re getting tired of so much sense of entitlement among women in the western world. Women today are huge expectations but generally deliver very little of value. They expect men to do and be absolutely everything “right” – by a script they’ve never even read and if one little mistake is made, well, it’s penance time.

Very few women even know what they have to offer men today! Consider this one question:

“What do you bring to the table?”

When I or my my students ask that question, it’s like deer-in-the-headlight time. I usually hear, “Well, I’m pretty and I’m smart”. Yeah? So what? Here in SoCal, you can’t throw a rock without hitting a woman that thinks she’s pretty and smart. What else?

I’m sorry to tell you that Tammy’s problems likely go far deeper than when she’s ready to have sex. In fact, that’s probably the one thing she DOES have to offer!

Best regards…

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publisher of “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I & II”
Producer of “BAM! TV”