Single people are one of the fastest growing demographics, and despite the opportunities being
single offers, many of us are still self-conscious about our marital status.

By Kim Calvert

Two years ago, when we started Singular magazine and our online community SingularCity, our mission was to celebrate singlehood as a viable life choice and to provide our audience with resources to improve and enhance their lives. Singular magazine is the voice for singulars —savvy, sophisticated, independent — and SingularCity is the online community where they meet, share interests and make friends.

We believed then, as we believe now, that when you’re unmarried, you have opportunities for personal growth and development that are not always possible when you’re in a partnered relationship. In fact, as singulars (our term for today’s single person) we’re free to have adventures and experiences of our own choosing. We lead rich, full lives and are active members of our communities. Finding a life partner is not the focus of our existence. We are already complete.

We received a lot of great feedback from people — single and not — for recognizing this modern, realistic view of singlehood, and we received hundreds of letters thanking us for taking a stand against the negative stereotypes that make single people feel like they need to be fixed — a concept fueled by much of the traditional singles industry.

What surprises me, however, is the number of single people who are still in despair, unwilling to accept their single status. They’ve become their own worst enemy in that regard. How can a person be open to all the great possibilities life has to offer when they hold a part of their identity with contempt, regret or sadness?

Sure, years ago a single person was the odd man out, but now we’re nearly half of the adult population. Even if couples still reign supreme as the ideal paradigm in our society, our growing numbers and the clear evidence that we are not stereotypical spinsters or eccentric bachelors have changed the balance of power.

Yet the most severe condemnation comes from within our own ranks — from those singles who are still ashamed because they are not married or are not in a long-term committed relationship. They’ve bought into the propaganda and the old ideas left over from the 1950s. For them, the S word should only be discussed with their best friend, their mother or their therapist.

They have no problem going to a social event marketed as being a big party, but add to the description that it’s a party for singles and it suddenly becomes something to avoid at all costs. It recalls the famous quote from Groucho Marx: “I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member.”

It’s not just events either. I have a good friend who is an accomplished musician and who never married. When I expressed interest in writing a story about him for our magazine, he declined. Although the crux of the story would have been about his accomplishments in the music world, he was embarrassed about being single — he couldn’t “expose” himself as a single man.

Now why some singles hang on to these self-defeating, antiquated ideas is truly beyond me. They insist on viewing their singleness as if it were a disease: cover it up, don’t talk about it and hope nobody notices. Or maybe they’re just too busy to realize they are surrounded by dynamic, attractive, active singulars and, with a simple shift in their own attitude, they can be singular too.

It really is that easy.

Copyright © Kim Calvert/2010 Singular Communications, LLC.