Yes, you can be single and happy. You can feel light, powerful and excited at the prospect of just being you — fully complete as a party of one.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve stayed with someone long after I knew the relationship was seriously flawed. I made excuses and lived in denial that the person I was sharing my life with was slowly but surely changing me into someone I didn’t want to be. The idea of breaking up, moving out or getting a divorce was so terrifying that I was frozen into place, often waiting until things got really bad before being willing to admit “it’s over.”
Why is it that we so often prefer to be “unhappily coupled” rather than believe we can be single and happy? It’s as if our culture has accepted, without question, that when you’re coupled you’re happy and when you’re single you’re unhappy, when in reality, an entire spectrum of options exist.
In my experience, coupled = happy is the first stage. That’s when you find someone you think you could fall in love with. Things are great. You’re both on your best behavior, your time together is fresh and exciting, the future looks full of promise and you wonder if soulmates might really exist.
In time, those flaws, the ones you try to ignore, start to surface. You find yourself wondering when the next shoe will drop — you’re walking on eggshells and all those other clichés that describe how it feels to be in the same room with the person you were so sure was “the one.” How could it be that they once held the key to your happiness but now create such a feeling of unease in the pit of your stomach?
Coupled = happy is no longer where you’re at, and if you have the courage and strength, you’ll pack it up and move into the single = unhappy phase. That’s the raw, just split up with him or her stage that feels like a bad case of the flu. Truly, you feel that your life is dark and hopeless. But one day you wake up and realize something has shifted. You feel light, powerful, capable and excited about the prospect of just being you — not half of a whole — but totally complete as a party of one. Clear of the emotional hangover, free from the entanglements, the guilt and regret, you suddenly realize that you’re single — and happy.
I love that stage. You’re free from the pain of the last relationship and can look back with such relief that you’re no longer dealing with the control, or the anger, or the nagging, or the jealousy, or the selfishness or the pure boredom that was keeping you from becoming the person you have the potential to be.
Yes, it really is possible to be single and happy. It doesn’t mean being lonely and it doesn’t mean you can’t experience romance and love. It means being comfortable with where you’re at today — regardless of your relationship status. When you do that, you’ll be amazed by how beautiful and complete your life will be, single or not.
Copyright © Kim Calvert/2017 Singular Communications, LLC.
Kim Calvert is the editor of Singular magazine and the founder of the SingularCity social networking community. An outspoken champion of people who are living their lives as a “me” instead of a “we,” Kim oversees the creative direction and editorial content of the magazine and online social networking community. She secures contributors and is responsible for maintaining the fun, upbeat, inspirational and often-humorous tone of Singular, a lifestyle guide for successful single city living.