It’s OK to Be Sexy

Women complain that men are immature for focusing on their bodies. Well maybe the real problem is that women can’t accept their own sexuality.

Be Sexy
Erica Leonard photographed by John Neyrot.

Before I even begin writing on this topic I can already imagine the eyes of the collective Singular magazine female readership rolling with, “Oh brother, here we go again…” But after the firestorm that was sparked by my last article, “How Men Think,” I figured this was a much needed follow-up. So here goes …

Why is it that many (most? all?) women are opposed to being looked at as sexual beings? Why does it make them uncomfortable? And why does it make us creepy dirty pigs when we think you’re hot? Before I even attempt to answer, I’m going to address behavior that’s rooted in biology, not sociology.

In order for any species to exist, it must procreate, humans included. If men didn’t see women as sexual beings the human race would cease to exist. As for us “controlling our urges” — of course we do! Otherwise, we’d be like elephants — grabbing, touching, smelling and inserting our trunks into everything and anything. I realize a lot of you think this is already going on, but the perception is far from the reality.

I also get that women have the natural ability to suppress their sexual desires, unlike men, because they have to. Think about it. If women felt the same way about sex as men did, women would always be pregnant. Mother Nature knew one of us needed an off switch.

Now onto the sociological and psychological: why is it so important to be first recognized for your intellect, your personality, your job — anything other than your body?

I understand that you want to be more than just an oven that bakes our seeds. Everyone desires to be appreciated for their mind, their heart and their soul. But that’s not the question here. The question is why is being looked upon as a sexual object so far down on a woman’s list?

Ask any guy and they’ll be over-the-moon to be first thought of as a sex object. This doesn’t mean we only want to be thought of as sex objects, or that’s all that counts, but number one on our list would be that you can’t wait to tear our clothes off. So why don’t women feel the same way as men?

Personal insecurity
– Many women are unhappy with their bodies, so it makes them miserable when a guy wants them for that. They fail to see the compliment simply because they don’t believe it. What they choose to believe instead is the guy must be a horn dog because “my body is not that good” so how can he think it’s so special? Or they believe their looks are fleeting and a man will turn his attention toward a younger woman. Women give men a hard time because they think we only focus on their bodies, but why is it okay for women to do the same when it comes to judging other women?

Societal pressures – As far as we’ve come with women’s rights and the sexual revolution, there’s still a stigma attached to sexually active women, including women who appear too sexual or dare to pose bare. They get the eye rolls from other women, religious groups and other “conservatives.” This pressure that women feel has nothing to do with men. If it was up to us, you’d always be naked!

“I’m not just a piece of meat” – I’ve heard many attractive women say they actually get tired of being looked upon as sex objects. When I told my 40-something dental hygienist about this reaction she just laughed, and added, “Wait until these women turn 30, pop a kid out and add 15-20 pounds to their middle, then they’ll be begging to be looked at sexually.” I couldn’t have said that better. Maybe these women should shave their heads and never wear make-up — then they’ll be able to find a guy who only appreciates them for their personality.

Now here’s one thing most women don’t know. We know you hate being looked upon as sex objects which is why we’ll tell you exactly what you want to hear — how “looks don’t matter,” how “it’s all about the person inside,” how “we want to get to you know before we do anything physically.”

As a woman, the most important thing you can do is to accept how men view you. You’re not going to change us. We are chemically, biologically and anthropologically wired this way. We will always see the physical first. Who you can change is you.

Be better than your body! Be a better person. And the better your body, the harder you’ll have to work. If you truly want to be revered and desired for your personality, it doesn’t mean you need to be less beautiful; it means you need to be even more interesting, intriguing, intellectually stimulating and fun to be around. Do this and you’ll finally know how much effort is routinely required by men to get interest from women.

There are guys out there who genuinely want to know what’s inside your heart and your mind, what stirs your soul, what’s your passion, your dream — I’m one of those guys! Just don’t fool yourself into thinking that guys should look at you from the inside out first. Just because we can love you for your “great ass” and have our head “all the way up it” as Al Pacino barked in the epic film “Heat,” it doesn’t mean we can’t also love you for your mind.

Who’s to say that we can’t start with your ass and work our way up to your heart and mind? Hey, we like you for something. Why can’t that be enough? And believe me, any man who starts off liking you for your body is hoping he will love your mind too. No guy ever says, “I know she’s got a great ass, but I hope her mind is just awful.” You caught our attention with your looks. Now, the hard work starts for you.

Be Sexy 2When most men see this image … ah screw it … when ALL men see this image, they see a sensual and sexual woman but it’s actually more than that to us. After our initial burst of arousal, it’s a photograph that inspires us to dream, to feel, to think, to get up and do something, to be more! None of these things have anything to do with sex; yet sex is precisely where these thoughts originate. You see, female sexuality moves and motivates us in ways no other singular element can.

Once you fully understand and appreciate this about men, you’ll no longer question why and how we look at you the way we do. The naked truth is that a woman’s sexuality makes men want more, more from you, more from themselves, and more from life.

My last article inspired a comment from a reader that claimed women complain all the time about a man’s emotional immaturity. He turned the tables, and asked, ‘How about a woman’s sexual immaturity? ‘

It’s time for women to embrace their sexuality and realize that it’s part of the whole picture. Instead of chastising men, why not celebrate their interest? Recognize that your sexuality is a gateway to knowing you on a deeper, more meaningful level. In a way, the human race depends on it.

Copyright © Michael Monterey / 2014 Singular Communications, LLC.

Michael Monterey writes a blog called “The Naked Truth for Women” an unfiltered bold insightful look at how heterosexual men really think about love, sex and women.
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5 thoughts on “It’s OK to Be Sexy

  1. You guys want to know about women? why not educate yourself, read books about women written By women: here is one example: Women’s room by Marilyn French. You will find many TRUE answers. It is one of the best modern books explaining inner world of women.

  2. It is you again with your ALL met think this and All women think that…Where do you get your “knowledge” which is totally wrong by the way: I had 2 husbands and neither of them could match my sexuality and based on my girl friends experiences, my daughter and her girl friends experiences, not talking about great examples in classic or modern literature, I can assure you that your opinion that men have more sexual desires than women is proven wrong long time ago (you definitely need to read proven FACTS)
    You are talking about women insecurity? Well look what pictures did you put on the screen? Who looks like that? If I want to feel beautiful I look at Renaissance art where women are painted as they look: with bellies, small breasts, ext. and yet considered beautiful. Looked at Naked Maja by Goya, as an example. She does not look like today’s “standards” for being considered sexually attractive and that is why women do not feel sexual, because they do not look like skeletons that you put on our page.
    When women get upset about being viewed as a sex object, it is when men want sex only. I agree that first attraction is based on the way people look (often, not always) but in addition to that sexual attraction women often want to be sure that this will take them somewhere, yet men, often, not always, would prefer to just have sex.
    Anyway, there are so many other “points” in your blog that are wrong, unproved, does not make sense that it is surprising why are you writing? Maybe you need to start really researching what you want to write about before you write.

  3. For whatever reason, women just object to being liked FIRST for their sexuality. Michael attempted to offer some reasons why, but I’d like to hear from more women what their answer is. I think the point Michael tries to raise is that just because Men automatically look at Women sexually doesn’t mean that’s ALL we see….but somehow women think it is. Why is that?

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